Did you like the Koko?

Ah! Gah!  I need to exorcise some demons. Bear with me. I don't like to do this. The blog is supposed to be a happy place, a place of laughter, joy and other such gleeful things. However there is a villain. Yes, there is a dastardly charlatan that has forced me to deviate from my usually lilting tone and unserious rambling manner. As these are serious allegations it is most important to isolate the culprit. Now, the culprit can't be the Koko Concert, as the Koko concert did not plan itself. Is the culprit the planner of the event (and that event plan was literally the dog's bollocks. Really you should be out of a job permanently. I thought business men were intellectuals. I cannot understand how a piece of shit could go so far. Surely at some point you should all have laughed and said, "That plan was so bad it was fun, now let's come up with a real plan.") or is it the Sponsor (Guarantee Trust Bank, why you allowed your name to be tied to such a disaster is beyond me. Maybe that's the message you want to give your clients. Bank with us we're so dysfunctional, disorganized, and lengthy that every dealing with us can only ever be described as a misadventure. Misadventures aren't bad things. You shouldn't regret them for they all started off as adventures.)

The event was brought to you all by DKM media. Are you not infinitely grateful?

I'll be the first to tell you that DKM media does not have a website. Are you surprised? I'm not! In fact if they did have one they'll definitely have taken it down after last night. I'm sure that the owners are wincing as I write this for the vitriol laden daggers I'm sending through my skull are certain to fill them with unease.

Let's start with the location. Koko Concert was held on Eko Atlantic, a place that is mostly sand and stone. Well, more sand than stone. The organisers and sponsors and caterers and everybody involved in the planning of it thought that it would be really cool to have a really really really really long walk way from the gate to the actual arena. Sorry, it wasn't a walk way, it was a stony sand way! And that walk was a 20-45 minute one. I felt like an Isrealite looking for the promised land. Even though my situation was sorry indeed I felt sorrier for those poor bastards that had come early (the stipulated time was 7, the concert really started closer to 12) and parked on sand. Do you know what happens when cars park on sand? They get stuck. Even if they didn't get stuck they knew that leaving would be no picnic, and leaving was no picnic. Upon deciding to leave they were stuck in stand still traffic for only God knows how long! I was grateful that Papa Afam had decided that he would make good use of the police. We parked inside the police station across the road.

We got to the gates only to discover that even though the concert was already full and closely approaching a crowd control disaster, there were still tickets being sold. Once we were stood in VIP, for there were no seats to be found, I thought to myself, "If something were to happen. How many of us would die as the crowd pushes and tramples in a bid for the exit?" See GTB this is what you rubber stamped! Does it not seem fishy now? You don't think so?

This was the task you set before your performers. Did you not pause to ask yourselves how such a crowd could ever possibly be entertained?

I have written about 630 words and not one of them have been about the concert itself. Don't you think it will be hilarious when I do write about the concert and what I have written is less than 600 words?

During the concert my tweeps informed me that there was a live stream broadcasted on the internet. I felt really sorry for myself then because if I had known, I would not have bothered. Very few things in life are worth that sort of bother.

If you paid N1,000,000 (£4000) for a table then your troubles are far worse than mine. You see, I feel bad and a little daft that Papa Afam paid N20,000 (£80) for me to have a horrible time so I can only imagine how you must feel.

I took this while I was walking in. If you look to the left of the photograph you'll see the driver trying to dig the car's tyres out of the sand.

I took this on my way out. That SUV isn't going anywhere. GTB you are now indirectly the supporters of all broken down and stuck things.

It is unfortunate that a bank that pays so much attention to its corporate image made such an error. Did they just lend their name and money without checking what it was they were paying for? Eko Hotel for all its faults and parking issues always has an ambulance outside. For this event there was no ambulance and even if there had been an ambulance, it probably wouldn't have been able to leave.

I'll leave you now. My eyes are red, my throat is dry, I've been sneezing, and blowing dust out of my nose all night. I have sand in bits of me that I can't reach.

Dbanj, you're a disrespectful callous vandal. What kind of idiot asks the people who paid for regular tickets to apologize to the VVIPs? Is it not insanity? They had every right to be there. They trekked and suffered through a multitude of obstacles to see him and he disregarded them completely. But more on that later...

Happy Days,
Afam