Last week, Nigerian twitter was taken over by a tale so scandalous, I was rendered open mouthed and speechless for nearly 3 hours. A woman called Ahunna claimed that a man called Izien was a truly deplorable character. She alleged that he was a bedroom fiend in the habit of blackmailing girls for sex with their nude pictures. She said, “Over the last couple of weeks I have been gathering accounts from different women who have complained about Izien. In the last couple of years, there has been more than one occassion of him threatening to leak nudes because he wasn’t offered sex.” She went on to share screenshots of conversations with Izien’s alleged victims where they told their stories. At first the girls were blamed for being so foolish as to send nudes, but the conversation changed rapidly and focused on Izien. New accounts of his atrocious behaviour came up despite his attempts to threaten Ahunna to silence. He released a statement denying most of the allegations, then he published a poorly constructed cease and desist letter from his lawyers.

There is a thing only the abused understand. That they will bear the burdens of the crimes of another as long as they live. They may never speak of it, but the wound will lurk there all the same. It may be fine for months at a time, and life may go on as if the incident never happened, but there’ll be a moment. It will come back to you with more clarity than you believed yourself capable of remembering. It may be something as slight as seeing his face on television in an episode of Shuga, as someone claims is the case in this story. The girl that saw him had to leave the room, to relive her torment in silence. Time won’t heal that wound. It may stitch it shut, but stitches only last so long. This is the problem with abusers. They get to walk away unscathed sparing no thought for what they’ve done. If only the abused could be so lucky.

It is why Izien, after being faced with allegations of rape, blackmail and emotional abuse feels the need to deny rape and blackmail, but apologise for emotional abuse. In a statement published on his twitter account he said, “in the past, while in a relationship, I lied to women that I was single, I lied to them that I had more than I had. I agree to being petty and even throwing tantrums during quarrels.” Even more damning is his phrase of choice. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” The perpetrators of wrongs should not have the power to declare what is petty and what isn’t. One man’s petty is another woman’s destruction.

One of the lightest allegations by a victim of his sexual predation says, “He threatened me. Not with nude pictures because I didn’t send any. He said I was a ho and that he was trying to help my life by even sleeping with me.” By his own admission he said, “I know I have hurt women and used abusive words on them when I was angry. I even called some mad, stupid, prostitute. I am sorry.” Those who are loose with their words do not have the right to decide who should be offended, how they should be offended, and how long they should be offended for. Forgiveness is a gift. It is not an obligation. It is not unreasonable that some apologies fall on deaf ears.

Without this understanding, I find that it is difficult to believe him. When he says that he didn’t rape, blackmail or pressure anyone into sex, I wonder if he knows what he is talking about. Our definitions of these things are likely not the same. Izien would like us to take some of his tweets from 2010 to 2015 as examples of youthful folly but how can we, when they read like this.

“Do you think saying stop it actually changes anything? Laughing my ass off.”

“Some girls do deserve to be raped you know?”

“Fuck shit up when you get a no though.”

“If you want to fuck, don’t say it. These girls prefer being lied to.”

“Would like to watch a real life rape scene… a one on one case though… certain questions I can’t get out of my head. I really wonder if a one on one is possible.”

They do not read like the unfiltered musings of someone too young to know better. They read like the fire to the smoke. They speak to his character. It is the same problem many have with Donald Trump. A man who says, “I just start kissing them. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.” Men such as they cannot expect to be given the privilege of innocence when allegations of sexual impropriety arise. What means do we have of judging a man if not his past?

Usually it is wise to believe someone innocent till they are proven guilty, but in all things it is important to consider the where. Women in Nigeria frequently do not speak out against abuse sexual or otherwise because they bear the brunt of the blame. They have very little to gain. There is little or no justice to be had. One of Izien’s alleged victims said she took him to the police station after the nude pictures she’d sent to him appeared on social media. They asked her to apologise to him. It is a story that anyone with any knowledge of the Nigerian Police Force would find plausible. When Nigerian women speak about assault, abuse or rape, we must take extra care to listen to them. They pay too high a price for their honesty for us to insist that they are making it up. If she talks at all, it is more likely than not that it is true. In situations like these some people tend to think that there’s a financial incentive, but that isn’t the case here. Izien is yet to make his fortune and he has not been so fortunate as to have had fortune thrust upon him by birth.

As for what Ahunna has achieved, she’s sounded as loud a warning as she can. Not many women will approach him for anything more than a hello. And now, he says he’s sorry, but that isn’t enough. He’ll have to cry them rivers. They cried rivers over him.

Afam.

The tweets and quotes were edited for the sake of decent grammar. Their meaning was preserved.

The truth is a thing I like to dispose of as soon as possible. If I sleep with it locked somewhere within me, it will become the knife of gossip which is only effective when tossed at the backs of the unsuspecting.

At one party or the other, I'd meet Adesuwa Onyenokwe and say, "Good Evening Ma! Your interview with Bobrisky was so revolutionary that I seek only to be your student. To learn from one as accomplished as yourself would be my life's greatest honour."

And then I will walk behind her, find the most indiscreet acquaintance with a natural flair for the dramatic and whisper, "That interview that Adesuwa the publisher of the Today's Woman magazine was fantastically bad. Not only does she lack the most basic understanding of what is ethical and what is not, her many years as an interviewer have failed to teach her that sweat patches and cameras are a match made only in the darkest pits of hell."

If this is a stab I shall do it in her front, quickly and without very much ado. It's a nasty habit of mine, one that will make me enemies far more quickly than it will make me friends.

The problem with journalists and all who serve in a journalistic capacity is the power we wield. We expose secrets that are probably better left unshared and say things that are easier left unsaid, and most of the time we get away unscathed.

You could interview a vulnerable person so brutally that when you're done they find the nearest noose and hang themselves. Their family will be left with a body to bury and you'll get away with murder. A word could ruin a man and we'll dance to the notoriety it brings us like its the sweetest music. Because journalists are mostly the harbingers of gist and not the wreckers of lives, we must think very carefully about the material we publish. And that material must be treated with care. Facts must be checked and events must be qualified where need be. We should be objective, and if not that empathetic.


It would be impossible to continue if I did not tell you all a little about Bobrisky. He's a man who's learned a very important thing: that the respectable are never quite as popular as the scandalous. If this were another country, he would be a drag queen. A bleach applying, make up wearing, cross dressing staple at a disreputable bar. In Nigeria, he's a novelty. The most consistent opinion is that he insane, which is to be expected when you consider that we often call those who do not believe what we do crazy. He speaks often of a Bae, a political chairperson that's responsible for much of his excess. As we do not know who this Chairperson is we cannot say if he is real or not, but the clever know not to read too much into it. If there is a Bae, then good on Bobrisky. For several Nigerians life is so difficult that any come up no matter how nefarious is a good thing. When I say this in public, many fools say something that amounts to:

"But why doesn't he get a job? You know? Do some other thing that offends us less."

And I say, "You do not know how lucky you are to have a job that affords you the luxury of a good life or a family that sees that you are sheltered, bathed, clothed and fed."

For many in Nigeria the only thing they hold true is the hustle and the knowledge that they must hustle. We the comfortable should know better than to look at the uncomfortable and apply our truly wonky sense of morality to their activities.

How is it that we burn Bobrisky at the stake of public morality and publicly celebrate those we know to be corrupt?

Their thievery has done more harm than Bobrisky will ever do. They've filched the nations coffers dry. People starve because of what they've done. Salaries in the public sector have gone unpaid for months!

The interview shows this bias brilliantly. A part of the description the magazine wrote said, "BobRISKY is at the centre of sending people, especially the youth, down a path that threatens the future of family as we know it." It is a sentence so atrociously shameless that I feel scoundrelous for repeating it. Anyone with half a brain knows the real threat to the future of the family as we know it is the nation that we live in and the recession that we're faced with. With unemployment higher than the polite should ever mention and inflation destroying the value of our Naira the family as we know it has bigger problems than Bobrisky's snapchat or instagram.

And then this so called experienced interviewer had the gall to ask him whether or not he is gay in a country where the admittance of such a thing is punishable by public lynching, 14 years in prison, or death by jungle justice. The first time she asked it, he denied it brilliantly, but his denial wasn't enough for her. She thrust the question at him so frequently in different iterations that at a point the interview became something of an outing inquisition. I will never understand why people are so interested in the sexual practices of men and women with whom they share no relation. It is an ethical disaster that she cannot atone for. If something were to happen to Bobrisky as a result of that interview, he'd be in dire straits and she'd be fine. I do not think she'd even be as civil as to pay for his funeral or his rehabilitation.

If we fail to call out the villainous for their wickedness then we are their tacit supporters. As this is not a brand of villainy I ever want to be associated with, I will never regret this strongly worded article. It shall be a tonic for Adesuwa Onyenokwe's ethical inadequacies.

Happy Days,
Afam

If you would like to watch this interview, here it is.

On the menu today we've got Omawumi, an Itsekiri Nigerian singer whose music is really rather good. It's a brand of raw African pop that competes directly with the polished touches of everything that Don Jazzy touches. She's got a flair that's reminiscent of Yvonne Chaka Chaka and Angelique Kidjo. As such it is no surprise that she is the main course.
Our soup is Zinnia, the face of HFtv Africa's Da Chat. It's a show that interviews Nigerian celebrities. The interviews typically are typically over 16 minutes long. Omawumi's interview was shorter, and that's because she walked out. Now, Zinnia is not a journalist. Her facebook page it says that she is a recording artist, singer, song writer and an on air personality. After the interview that she had with Omawumi she should consider restricting her efforts to music.



While I worked with Star Gist (an entertainment news show on Africa Magic) under Vimbai, I was told time and time again to exercise caution and empathy. She said, "If you are harsh or crude in the way that only bloggers can be, you will kill the show." This was just after I had written a red carpet rundown that was more malicious than hilarious. She was right.

After that interview, Zinnia will probably find it difficult to secure another. No celebrity in their right mind will willingly throw themselves into an out of control frying pan.

And it was a frying pan. Quite early in the interview, Zinnia asked about the father of one Omawumi's children. She said, "rumour had it that when you were having your daughter, it wasn't your husband's it was your manager's." It is a question that is both difficult and rude, especially when you consider that Omawumi had probably not been informed that the question would be asked. In that, Zinnia showed that she is both unethical and tactless.

The next question was similarly tactless. "Now when you got married... rumour had it that you got instead got married to Dr. Frabz?" As far as I know, Dr. Frabz is not the man that Omawumi has said that she married. It went straight from the frying pan straight into the fire. It is the sort of slut shaming that serves no one.

As insensitive as those two questions were, they paled in comparison to the last one. It was delivered in a rambly, disorgarnised fashion; the sort that makes efficient transcription impossible. A reasonable summary would be, "Do you think that the rumours of your drinking and smoking habit make you unfit to be a mother?"

At that point Omawumi concluded that the interviewer did not mean her well. The conclusion was called for. The vast majority of the questions were asked with the sort of negativity that you'd reserve for an enemy. Even if the questions were called for (and they weren't) they required a sensitivity that the interviewer lacked. It is possible to ask who the father of a woman's child is without coming across as a vulture. I cannot say how such a thing should be done, but I do know that Zinnia did not succeed. You cannot explain away attempts to destroy careers with murmurings that you were looking for the truth.


Vimbai tweeted, "I don't think the lady conducting Omawumi's interview was being malicious - she probably doesn't have the tact that comes with experience."

I agree, but I'll add that she lacks the training that she so desperately needs. You cannot ambush people that do not owe the public anything with questions whose answers the public need not know.

Now, if she were to interview Bukola Saraki and ask him about the numerous allegations of corruption levied against him I wouldn't bat an eyelid. He's a public official. He owes us these answers. Omawumi owes us nothing. You cannot seek to burn her at the stake and expect that she provide the firewood for the flames.

Happy Days,
Afam.

 
 When Serena was named Sports Illustrated's sportsperson of the year, I was pleased. She's still there, dominant at 34, an age when most in women's tennis would have called it a day. This year she played through obvious sickness and injury and still came out on top. She was so ill during the French Open that I wished she would throw in the towel and go home. She was painful to watch then. Every forehand winner seemed like it was being pulled from her life force.

This year, we were confronted with "the meaning of Serena." She had a year like no other, losing only one grand slam match out of 28. If you add that to her 69 career titles, her 21 grand slam wins, her $74 million career prize money, her 85% win rate over the course of her career, it is easy to see why several call her the greatest female tennis player of all time. However, her success is often dwarfed by the criticism that is thrown at her. She is trolled almost incessantly by fans of the sport, officials of the sport and the media.

What Serena has had to Endure:

 The president of the Russian Tennis Federation referred to her and Venus as the Williams Brothers.

After she won Wimbledon this year, the editor of the Atlantic suggested that she was on Steroids.
This is a difficult claim to make because all of her tests have been clean. In fact she's so determined to not fail a drug test that she didn't take flu meds during the French Open.

In 2009, right after she defeated Venus at the Wimbledon final, Jason Whitlock, a commentator on Fox Sports wrote the following.

• "With a reduction in glut, a little less butt and a smidgen more guts, Serena Williams would easily be as big as Michael Jackson, dwarf Tiger Woods and take a run at Rosa Parks."
• "there's an inescapable truth about Serena Williams: She's an underachiever."
• "I'm only knocking Serena's back pack because it's preventing her from reaching her full potential as an athletic icon."

Just before Wimbledon this year the New York Times published an article by Ben Rothenberg where he seemed to suggest that Serena's body was undesirable.

Serena Williams has a muscular frame. Her rivals choose not to emulate her physique http://t.co/IecMzg4AwV pic.twitter.com/gEGHd3NI3z

— The New York Times (@nytimes) July 10, 2015

 She's been heckled by racists mid match.

She earns $10 million less than Sharapova in endorsements despite being unarguably better than her. Serena leads their head to head 18 - 2, and no one will forget their London Olympic final where the scores were 6-0, 6-1, in favour of Serena.

To be Serena is to do exceedingly even when the odds are against you. Despite how quick everyone is to put you down, or discredit you. It is to surmount difficulty at every turn. So when Sports Illustrated named her Sportsperson of the year I was pleased. The interview that they did was brilliant too, but all of my good feelings died when I saw that some people thought that American Pharoah, a horse, should have won instead.
Behold some of the comments.

@SInow Seriously???? Did she/any win a TripleCrown (or sports event) not done since 1978? A joke @jazz3162 End of reading your mag! #AP

— HorseBelle (@seabiscuit7) December 14, 2015

@SInow @SI_ChrisStone @serenawilliams American Pharoah is the winner-hands down. You people are ridiculous.

— Looise (@Looise1) December 14, 2015

 One of the weird things about this is the comparison between a black woman and a horse.

I for one do not believe that a horse should ever win Sportsperson of the year. If anything, it should be the jockey. There is a reason why horses are ridden when they race. It is that left to them, they wouldn't be racing. They would be eating grass, sleeping, and gamboling on a field somewhere. When Jenson Button wins, do you put the car on the podium or the man? Sure, it's a brilliant car, but in my hands, that brilliant car is not a winner. It is an accident waiting to happen.

 Then there's the thought that this would not be happening if she were white. That allegation makes people uncomfortable but it is true.

When she wins, people would rather talk about her ass than they would the fact that she won.

When she plays well she overpowers her opponents. She hardly ever receives praise for her smart plays on the court. Why is she praised for her physicality and not her wit?

And even if she wasn't as amazing a player as she is, her endeavours off the court are nothing but inspiring. Particularly when she speaks out about social issues. In one of the most racially divisive years in recent American History hers is a voice that needs to be heard.

In the words of Sport's Illustrated:

"We are honoring Serena Williams too for reasons that hang in the grayer, less comfortable ether, where issues such as race and femininity collide with the games. Race was used as a cudgel against Williams at Indian Wells in 2001, and she returned the blow with a 14-year self-exile from the tournament. She returned to Indian Wells in '15, a conciliator seeking to raise the level of discourse about hard questions, the hardest ones, really."

This is something that a horse, no matter how brilliant, well trained, well ridden or genetically superior, could not possibly do. It is far easier to be inspired by a human being than it is by a horse. And if you think otherwise, chances are that you are a centaur in hiding.