The Height of Cool: The Chronicles of Bibi and Versace

Tonight, I spoke to one of my favourite people in the world, Bibi. I'm quite proud of Bibi as she was christened Hirst by the University of Edinburgh. This is no minor achievement. Bibi and I have quite the odd relationship. You see I first met Bibi when we were 16. My parents had been invited to a party and as parents tend to do they dragged my siblings and I along. On arrival at their house I was greeted by Bibi, one of the daughters of the hosts. I was in awe of her. She had the most regal face I had ever seen. I would post a picture of her here but I'm fairly certain that the moment I do this I will be gifted with an intercontinental smack. Such is the power of her influence.

At 16, the male mind is very simple. These were my thoughts exactly.

Afam:She's pretty.
Fam: She's short.
Afam: She's clever.
Fam:Ask her out?
Afam: What if she says no?
Fam: How could she say no to this?
Afam: We're the height of dweeb at the moment Fam. Braces and glasses... Not the best look.
Fam: Too true. We must wait for a sign from the universe.

The sign from the universe came 2 weeks later. I had gone to the cinema with a friend of mine, I like to call the BFG. The BFG is exactly that, a Big Friendly Giant. On our way out of the cinema we ran into Bibi. She greeted me with the BIGGEST HUG in the history of HUGS. I thought " SUCCESS". The BFG was also impressed. I asked her for her number and she was only too happy to give it to me. I thought that my teenage curse of obscurity had been lifted. I thought that I would no longer be the wall flower I had grown accustomed to being, that the universe had seen fit to throw me into the spotlight. I was so pleased. When I got home I couldn't shut up about it. I went to my mum, who at the time was the cool parent confidante most teenagers seem to want but never get to have.

Enter Mum
Afam: You won't believe who I ran into at the cinema.
Mum: Who?
Afam: Bibi.
Mum: (Her face brightens up) Oh? That's nice.
Afam: She gave me her number!!
Mum: I'm gad to see that you're making friends.
Afam: I plan to be doing a little more than that.
 Mum: She fixes me with a look of genuine amusement
Afam: You should have seen the hug she gave me. It was a shade more than friendly. I dare say I'm half way there already.
Mum: Yes you're certainly more than half way there.
Afam: I just knew that my time had finally come.
Mum: She's your cousin.

I would never live that down. But Bibi and I became fast friends and facebook spouses. We go on all sorts of adventures together. There was one time we walked into an art gallery and had the following conversation.

Afam: Honey, this painting is rather interesting.
Bibi: Why yes darling, i think it's simply amazing. I mean the depth...
Afam: Yes, what about the depth?
Bibi: Oh yes the depth...
Afam: ...
Bibi: I am overcome with emotion. (At this she dropped to the floor)
Afam: I think she needs a seat and a glass of water.

She was propped up and seated, by the sales woman present and myself.

Bibi: I really don't know what came over me. I was rather overcome!!
Afam: It's quite alright. I myself found my nethers stirring at the sight of it.
Bibi: It seems to a unique effect on everyone. I was moved to my very soul.
Afam: We simply must consider purchasing it.
Bibi: We must.
Afam: But where would we put it?
Bibi: The toilet.
Afam: That's a rather odd place for a painting.
Bibi: It's just that if anyone else is overcome as I was overcome, then I imagine that it would be best if there was a toilet nearby...

I was nearly dying with laughter at that point. Then she got up, readjusted her skirt and headed towards the exit. I apologised to the sales woman and followed her out. Once outside we were wracked with violent fits of laughter. When we were done, we straightened our vestments, put on our aviators, linked our arms together and walked off into the urban sunset. We were obviously the height of cool.

How we thought we looked.

Happy Days,
Afam.