The Quixotic Experience

One of the blogs I read judiciously, Through Hell and High Waters has posted a new feature (the link in the previous sentence will take you there). As a university proclaimed bachelor of the arts (my university went so far as to christen me Douglas in preparation for my new life as a bachelor). I am best placed to give objective advice about all things pertaining to relationships.

Starmix, the writer of the afore mentioned piece is worried that should she locate the man of her dreams now, she'll have to date him for seven years before tying the knot. What she'd really like would be for them to acknowledge each other now, enjoy their roaring twenties for three or four years, then come back together and date for three or four more years before they resign themselves to matrimony and child rearing. (Speaking of which, during my siesta I dreamed that I delivered a baby for a dear aunt of mine. My imagination is a powerful thing!).

Starmix being infinitely clever has realized that should she do this, golden boy will probably find another. So she's toying with the idea of an open relationship. You're probably wondering how this concerns me, and I'll be honest it doesn't. But how could I call myself a decent friend if I didn't impose my opinions on Starmix?

I thought about her dilemma for thirty seconds and I will now proffer a solution.

Firstly, an open relationship is not the way forward because it only lays down precedent for an open marriage and that is if you get to get married. Because while Kofi (For want of a better name. Plus you look like the type that will marry a Kofi) is sowing his wild seeds one of them may bloom into a wild flower and crush your dreams of marital bliss.

There are two solutions to your problems. The first of these is rather quixotic.

Solution 1: When you know you know. You'll gaze into the dark stormy depths of his soul and every fibre of your being will gravitate to him. From that time until the end of time you'll be by his side. The very idea of marriage will fade a way because you'll never ever doubt the strength and permanence of your love and adoration. You will probably get married but chances are that it won't be that big a deal.

Solution 2: Date him now. Give the both of you room to fail in terms of fidelity. Make sure he never finds out about yours but turn a blind eye to his. That way when you decide to get married you won't have invited openness into your marriage overtly. So I suppose a covert open relationship is the way forward?

The best option for you would be to shelve all thoughts of marriage and live with me in eternal spinsterhood. My offer is open ended.

Happy Days,
Afam.