As I write this I am exactly 34,000 feet in the air and I am an hour and thirty six minutes away from Lagos. Yes, my good friends and not so good friends I am on yet another flight to Lagos.
Are you not all my friends? Even if you think me an enemy you're still a friend because before you had made the foolish decision to call me an enemy you must have thought about it a lot. This makes me happy. I'm always happy when I'm thought of. If I had my way, I'd stay with you all permanently. I'd be some sort of mental illness. I'll call it the IRRESISTIBLE INEXORABLE COMPULSION TO READ THE BLOG, SHARE THE BLOG, AND PROMOTE THE BLOG SYNDROME.
On this occasion I have broken away from tradition as I am not completely off my face. However I am still fairly tipsy. I haven't got it in me to fly sober. I cringe at the thought of it. How on Earth will I tolerate the elbowing of the dude on my left or the fact that the woman behind me seems intent on caressing my elbow with her foot. Some Nigerians should be confined to zoos. When I attempted to tell her to extract her foot she appeared to be deep in prayer. I think that when I get home I should storm into Papa Afam's room and scold him.
enter Papa Afam and Afam.
Afam sprints up the stairs and kicks his father's door open.
Afam: Damn you old man! How many times do I need to tell you that anything less than Business Class is unacceptable.
Papa Afam pulls out shotgun and has a Halo/Call Of Duty moment with me.
This flight isn't as bad as the last one I had, where the food looked like baby shit and I was sat beside two obese people with no respect for boundaries. This flight was delayed for 2 hours and a bit because 8 people had to be deplaned.
The last time I was in Lagos I hopefully entertained you with several adventures and misadventures that I was fortunate enough to experience, but i fear this time that my adventures will be quite few and very far between. Haha, that's a lie. In the event of a shortage of material I shall describe to you in great detail alll my driving battles. You'll travel with me in the trusty old Toyota Corolla as I escape death by carriages of doom. Should that not entertain you, I'll use the blog as a sounding board for my dissertation, "A Story of Corruption: The differences between the Chinese and Nigerian experiences and their possible effects on development." Or something like that. How's that for a page turner.
Until next time, good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight.
Happy days,
Afam
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