I'm obviously not entirely comfortable putting her face on here. I'll see how I feel about it in the morning. Having said that I like this over edited version, my eyelashes look pretty and she looks good without a nose and a top lip.

Those are the dogs. The beach is filthy, I know. It's probably only about 400 metres away from Lekki beach, so it's pretty remarkable that Lekki beach is clean. Don't fool yourselves, the cleanliness of Lekki Beach isn't some miraculous occurrence.

That's not actually Lekki beach, that's Elegushi beach, and it's 200 metres away from Lekki beach. I know that's a little strange, but Lagos isn't exactly logical, so it makes sense here. Anyway, you catch my drift, and if you haven't yet, you're an idiot. Guys like this one pick up all the rubbish that the ocean spits out unto the sand. So, the next time you go to the beach and don't leave a sizeable tip, feel bad.

• upside down, 
• with one leg up 
• on one hand, 
• while balancing on your head, 
• while touching your toes; and 
• while doing the splits 
• (If I’ve ever left any out please let me know in the comments section and I’ll add them later.) 

At first, I didn’t know much about twerking. The closest I’d ever come to it was pelvic thrusting. After watching more twerk team videos than I care to mention in public, I have since discovered that while they are rather similar, they are also vastly different. Twerking involves more of a booty popping motion than pelvic thrusting does. This booty pop is achieved by contracting the muscles of the lower back with herculean force while squatting with the legs spread apart and turned out.  The benefits it accrues the human body are extraordinary. The booty pop, is all but certified to give any practitioner the lower back strength of a Cambridge rower, and the squats involved are likely to fill your buttocks with a peculiar sort of fatty muscle that doesn’t perform any known muscular function, but serves as extra mass to jiggle, wobble and shake when performing any physical activity. Furthermore twerking comes with an insurance possibility, if it does not actually increase the size of your bum, while you’re twerking, chances are that your bum will look a little bit bigger than it usually does.Summary:  Twerking: suitable for people who hate squats; not suitable for working out in public.



Happy Days,
Afam

While it is true that Nigeria is a rather homophobic country, attempts are being made to rebrand it as a country of the daft, lazy and incurably addled. I suppose that this is slightly preferable to being homophobic. In fact, all of those things make homophobia excusable. Now, I'm not pulling all of this straight out of my arse.

This week, Thisday, the premier Nigerian Newspaper, published an interview/article hybrid. You can read it here: http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/science-of-gay-marriage/158265/ if you're so inclined. In the article, Charles Ajunwa interviews an up and coming scientist called Chidubem Stanley Amalaha.

Chidubem Stanley Amalaha, is a postgraduate student at the Universtity of Lagos. He studies Chemical engineering. I cannot say if he is studying for a masters or a doctorate degree because the very good, Charles Ajunwa didn't report it. But that's neither here nor there.

The first thing that the article says, or the first thing that Charles Ajunwa writes is that, Chidubem has scientifically proven that gay marriage is wrong. He does it like this:

Scientifically proved that gay marriage is wrong

Well, there's something wrong with that sentence. It just reads wrong. Anyone with half a mind, will ask, "Who is that tired looking man in that shocking blazer, labcoat combination that takes fashion faux pas to a whole new level?" But I'm just nitpicking. We find out on the next line that he is Chidubem Stanley Amalaha. Apart from the fact that the sentence is awkward, it's also untrue. Gay marriage cannot be proven to be wrong scientifically because marriage is a social construct not a scientific one. It's the same as someone saying that someone has scientifically proven that being rude to your parents is wrong. It can't be done. Also scientists don't  use words like right or wrong, because they mean nothing. They are completely subjective. They are social constructs.

The article basically goes on to say, gay marriage is wrong because, similar magnetic poles repel and opposite poles attract. He says that in different ways three times. This is what he thinks has proven that gay marriage is wrong. He doesn't even distinguish between homosexuality and gay marriage really, he just ploughs on with subheadings like, "The Physics of Gay Marriage."

How is this journalism? I know that journalists aren't paid well in Nigeria, but this isn't excusable. You don't present the baseless ramblings of a madman as fact.

It's sad, because in one fell swoop, the two of them have shown that;

•  Unilag isn't a very good University
• Thisday is a fairly shit newspaper

I'm sorry if this is a little stilted, and if the flow of it is funny. I'm really too disappointed to care. Thisday, please take the article down. It speaks poorly of us as a people. It is understandable to be against gay marriage, or homosexuality because it isn't supported by your religion or your culture, but I don't know that anyone can read this article and not cringe at how stupid it is. I dare say, Captain Reginald, my possibly retarded 6 year old rottweiler could do a better job.

I'm not very happy today,
Afam

So... There's this immensely popular Nigerian musician called Ice Prince. Well, I'll be honest, he's popular, but he's no Iyanya, Dbanj, P square or Wiz Kid. His real name is Panshak Zamani. It's a hell of a name. I wish I was called Panshak Zamani, instead I've got to make do with Afam. How pedestrian is that?

Anyway, he's really quite good, Ice Prince. I haven't seen him live in concert or anything, but for the most part his stuff is pretty stellar. I remember his first song Oleku. I had it on repeat for weeks. I still like the song, which says a lot. I tend not to like things for very long, but Oleku's got staying power. That was in 2010.

Last year he released this awesome song called Aboki. I love that song. I don't know the lyrics all that well, but I love it anyway. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a fan. It's sad that I only heard it this year, seeing as it came out a year ago, but better late than never eh?



Like I said it's a really good song.

This year... This summer actually, Ice Prince released another song called VIP.



And it's really similar to aboki. It's practically the same song as aboki. How is this his second single? How can those two songs that are practically the same be on the same album? Does he think that we're daft? How can he serve us a worse version of the same damn thing? Is he demented?

It's bad enough that a lot of the local music here sounds exactly the same. I'm not kidding, they've all got the same "du ke du ke du ke ke" beat. Of Course there are exceptions, but the culture of sameness here is alarming. While it is true, that we want the same but different, these two songs obviously aren't different enough.

Happy Days,
Afam

The bulk of you must think that all there is to blogging, is sitting in front of a word processor all day, hammering out words and coming up with crazy ideas for future content. While a lot of that is true, the blogger must also look the part.

How fetch is that?

You'll never see me and think, "what a normal guy". Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes it's a bad thing, but most of the time, it's just a thing.

These are Finlay and Co wooden frames. The moment I come into some money, I'll be getting me a pair. I think you should too.

I can see why those who do not blog would be fascinated by it. Good blogs reek of a certain grace and nonchalance that is often mistaken for ease. And it does look easy. You may look at a fashion blog and think, "I can put an outfit together better than she can" and you might read a wordy blog and think, "I'm definitely a better writer than he is" but, chances are that you aren't, and even if you can put an outfit together better than she can, and even if you are a better writer than he is, can you create content with diurnal regularity? When people hate what you've done, do you have the strength of character to keep at it regardless?

It's a selfie. I know it isn't Selfie Saturday, so please forgive me. My duvet means that much to me. I like that it smells like I smelled when I was a student. I don't smell the same anymore, and that's sad. It's the sense of an ending really. Even though the end has come and gone, I keep flicking through the pages in the book. I know that it amounts to nothing but I'm not ready to let go just yet.

I must apologise to you, my famzers (readers of the ramblings of a madman - the good old blog), my friends, my enemies, my frenemies, my foes, and my frefoes. I haven't been as good as I should. There are so many posts I should and could have written, but I haven't. And it isn't because I didn't want to. My chakras were distorted by the sudden and untimely separation from my duvet and pillows. These are the bed materials that I used in Manchester. You see, when I was leaving, I discovered that it would be impossible to fit them in my suitcases. I, Afam, the frivolous and the daft, arranged to have them shipped instead. Papa Afam probably paid ten times their actual value to have them shipped. But I think it's alright really. The sentimental value I've attached to my duvet and pillows cannot possibly be overestimated.

They arrived yesterday, so I expect that things will go back to the way they were. My happiness at our reunion doesn't change the fact that I feel like a fool for being so irrational. C'est La Vie. As you were.

Happy Days,
Afam

There's a petition sweeping the blogosphere. The petition asks us to support one, Princess Jewel Essien, who was expelled by her secondary school, Loyola Jesuit College, 3 weeks before graduation, for using (and having) a mobile phone on campus. All of that would have ended there, had Princess not had a full scholarship to Stanford, the incredible university on the West Coast that we all know and love. And even that would not have mattered if the school (Loyola Jesuit College) hadn't written to Stanford, telling them that they'd expelled her, prompting Stanford to withdraw both her offer and her scholarship. All of this is really speculative. None of it has been verified. I feel like a little bit of a rumour mongerer but that's completely natural.