In Nigeria, there's this very very very popular newspaper called Thisday. I'm not quite sure that Newspaper is a good enough term to describe all that they do, and they do do a lot.
Yes do do. It's a thing. Wrap your head around that.
Anyway, they've got this Sunday magazine called Style. It's generally quite good. Yeah, it goes down easy. The reading age could probably be about 7. No I'm not fucking with you, seven. But this is a quite good thing because the average Nigerian reading age is probably about five. Now you mustn't think that I mind these things, because I don't.
So the thing about the magazine is that they've got this catchphrase. It's quite a good catchphrase as far as catchphrases go. It's "If you're not in STYLE, then you're not in style."
At first I was quite depressed. Everytime I picked up the magazine I'd think, "damn you Afam, why the fuck aren't you in STYLE? You useless fucker!!" And thinking that about yourself isn't a good thing. No, it's quite a horrible thing. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "what a vacuous cunt! How important could appearing in a Sunday magazine be?" But so what? I am that vacuous and vapid. I've never aspired to anything more in all my whole life. Seeing my picture in style would give me a boner for years. I reckon I'd still have a boner when I was seventy because I saw my face in STYLE when I was 23.
But I looked at STYLE the other day, and I realised that you didn't really have to be in style to be in STYLE. I mean, the editors must be having a right laugh behind the scenes, because it's really just fuck loads of fan service. Take a look at one picture from this weeks magazine.
How is that a classic? Like really, how's that even anything? The jacket makes him look like he has boobs, and I don't mean bulging pecs like Henry Cavill's (THAT GUY'S BODY IS KIND OF OBSCENE!!!), I mean man boobs (moobs) like a morbidly obese person. The thing is he's far too skinny to have moobs, so the jacket doesn't fit him right. The trousers don't fit great too, but they're better than the jacket. And the shoes could have been in that Disney cartoon, Aladdin. Yeah, the one with the monkey and the genie, I haven't seen a curve like that since I used French curves in technical drawing. They aren't even half fresh like. They're battered and tired. And the hat looks like someone sat on it. How awesome would it be if someone sat on his head? That'd be a sight won't it?
So if that's the guy that's so in style that he's in STYLE, then maybe not being in STYLE isn't such a bad thing.
Happy Days,
Afam
9 comments:
Hahahaha, I think people are given to adding sentiment when analysing fashion especially in Nigeria where people switch off whatever professional insight they have just to praise someone they "like". No biggie about being on style, I much rather be on Forbes
OMG, Laugh wan kill me Afam!!! I was trying so hard to stop laughing I almost peed my pants! Moving on, I will NEVER read one of your posts at work again so I don't have to hold my laughter inside! Nice one Bro!
My dear Afam you don't get it. Teju Babyface is an entertainer - a comedian to be exact - his jacket must be entertaining. Look at the laughter in the earlier comments, the peeing in pants - mission accomplished! Period!
I had a good laugh reading this, Teju sure looks weird in this picture.
He does look a little dishevelled...
I think they were laughing at the blog post, because it is quite a funny one. I don't mind what Teju Babyface wore, I only find it a little odd that STYLE thought it was a classic.
I think you have the right of it. And I'll have to agree with you, I'd much rather be on Forbes. Having said that, the Thisday STYLE magazine, is an incredibly successful magazine.
I'm glad. I think you should have shared it with your colleagues, because if everyone is laughing then you won't have to hold your laughter in.
Afam! Afam! Afam! "So if that's the guy that's so in style, that he's in STYLE, then maybe not being in STYLE isn't such a bad thing" hahahahah O dear!
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