So I got a Job! YAY!! and then I went to a Strip Club! NAY!!!

Oh my days! I've been away from you for a hot minute!! I know that it's only been a week since my last blog, but I, Afam, am not like all those other irresponsible bloggers that leave you for weeks and weeks without end. You see, my blog is quite securely linked to my happiness. I am quite certain that if I do not blog then I shall not be happy. When we last spoke, I announced that I was back in Nigeria. It was quite a depressing blogpost. Yes, I would be lying if I didn't say that the move back to Lagos made me a little depressed. I was so depressed I could have killed something.

So what's new with me you wonder? Well, I got a job. No, it would be more accurate to say that the job got me. You see, this time last year I was employed by one irresistible cantankerous man who didn't and still doesn't know the meaning of boundaries. He's rather good friends with Papa Afam, and this gives him almost complete access to one Afam. I think that he might inspire me to write a book called the devil wears Canali. And boy does he love his Canali suits.

I'm starting to think that being a personal assistant is a little bit like being a travelling steward. Just this morning my boss called me when I was on my way to his office and told me to drive to his house to check that the iron in his bedroom was turned off!! He's given me the keys to his house and everything!! Anyway working for him doesn't leave a lot of time for anything else, and if I were to quit he might kill me. I don't know how, but he got it in his mind when I was quite young that he wanted me as a Personal Assistant and that no one else would do.

Believe it or not, this is my professional picture. It's a little bit vain and I don't think it looks like me. I'm not fishing for compliments but I'm really not that good looking in real life. I suppose that means that the photographer's really good right? Well, Deji Joseph took the picture.  I swear by him. 

As stressful as my job is, I'm glad for it because inspiration is contagious. I don't think I've met anyone more inspired or hardworking than this guy in all my life. It's not even like he needs the money. He's probably got enough savings to live out his days in a strip club. I went to a strip club in Lagos the other day. It was a very very bad move. I don't even know that strip clubs in Lagos should be called strip clubs. I think it'll be better to call them petting zoos/ brothels. Depending on how much your dancer likes you, you can get fresh for anything between 10,000 naira and 50,000 naira. 50,000 naira is a little bit under £200. I wouldn't advise it though. It was there that I realised that twerking is gross. I mean all a girl does when she twerks is shake her fat in your face. Since when is fat a good thing? This is 2013 not the 17th century. Yeah, skinny bitches rule the world, and nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and you'll eat when you're dead.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry I left you.

Happy Days,
Afam

PS:
The strip club/brothel/petting zoo was without a doubt the worst place I've ever been to. I've never been more aware of the depths that human beings descend to when they're desperate than when I was there. I wouldn't recommend it. It isn't cool, or fun or sexy. I'll never go again. If you haven't been then you shouldn't even think about going; unless you're that kind of guy... And if you are, then I guess I can't stop you.