Recap of Last week, featuring Demi Lovato and Prince William

My feet in Toms. 

Last week was a little bit of an odd one. You see, ever since I became a rambling madman I haven't had cause to blog about the same thing three times in a row. Of course, the posts have been different but they've mostly been about the fact that any way you look at it, there's no way anyone in their right mind should refer to Africa as a country.

Some people have said that I'm being pedantic, but I don't think so. They say that people say, "I'm going skiing in Europe" all the time. And I agree. They do. But let's get real, no one tells you that they've gone skiing in Europe three times in a row without specifying where they've gone by the third time. If they do then they probably haven't gone anywhere, they're avoiding you. Yes, that individual is probably lying on his or her bed lying to you because you're a little bit of a handful and they want a break from you.

That's a really cool shot of her tattoos. I think I'm going to get me some. I want birds flying from my right bum cheek to my right shoulder. What do you reckon?

 In the first blogpost of the week, Demi Lovato said, "Crikey! I'm going to Africa to attend Simba's naming ceremony." She also said, "I'm sure there'll be tigers there, because there's no animal that you cannot find in Africa." (I paraphrase and invent heavily here)

While the second quote is undoubtedly false there's a little bit of truth to it. There are some rather good zoos here. Well not where I am, because in Nigeria, a zoo is and can only ever be a bush meat bank. When power goes out (and power will go out) and the electrified fences fail, someone will realise that the zebra, is no longer where it was. But maybe there are good zoos in South Africa (and there are, I hear good things about the National Zoological Gardens of South Africa, the largest zoo in the country). 

When Demi got to Africa, she then said, "Oh My GOD!! There are people here too!! And why did I land on a paved runway and not some dirt track? You've just killed my dream y'all." (I paraphrase and invent here too. Demi, didn't really say any of this)
 She couldn't believe that she was in Africa, and I don't blame her. Sometimes when I wake up, I think that I'm still in Manchester, on my massive bed in my Studio on the 21st floor, but then I hear the air conditioner and I remember where I am and cry.

After an unreasonably long period of time, Demi learned that she was in Africa, but it was too late. the damage had already been done. I was still annoyed, so I wrote this.

I've just learned that Demi's in Kenya on a Me to We volunteer trip. She's helping build a Free the Child school. Of course you must see that my problem with Demi's tweets isn't that I didn't know where Demi Lovato was, or that she didn't know where she was. It was that she repeatedly referred to one country as Africa, and that is abysmal. It's a sensitive issue with me. Africa is too vast, and too diverse, for any bit of it to be referred to as the whole of it. And my sensitivity is not unfounded. After all, living in Nigeria, and being aware of the tension that exists between the North and the South serves as a constant reminder of the results of the last time our individualities were disregarded for convenience. So I will not sit down, and keep quiet, when Demi Lovato tells her 17 million followers that she's in Africa. 

You'd think that, that was the end of it but it wasn't. One Rebecca Macatee, while doing what she imagined was damn good journalism said that the late Lee Thompson traveled to a small African village, shortly before he died, for religious purposes. I was pissed off again. You see, Demi Lovato probably didn't know any better. I don't know that she finished High School and I know that she definitely hasn't been to university so she doesn't know any better. Rebecca Macatee on the other hand is a graduate. She ought to know better. But that wasn't the only reason why I was annoyed. I was annoyed that she hinted that the man's Yoruba religion killed him. She practically insisted that it did, even when the authority on the religion said that it didn't. It's just like when my doctor tells me that I'm anaemic, but I knowing next to nothing about medicine insist that I have cancer. Crazy no?

After that, I was drained. I was spent. I didn't want to talk about Africa again. I mean, I'm passionate about Africa, but being passionate is exhausting! I was going to once again hide the African chip on my shoulder with concealer, but then Prince William went and said that he wanted an African themed nursery for his son, prince George.

"I'll have toy elephants and rhinos around the room. We'll cover it in, you know, lots of bushes and things like that. [We'll] make him grow up as if he's in the bush."

They really are a very good looking family. Don't they look like they're in the bush already? 

Well, as far as I know, there aren't a lot of African bushes with elephants and rhinos. I'm quite sure that that most of the African bush hasn't got elephants and rhinos, but that's okay isn't it? It's okay because try as we might when people who don't live in Africa say Africa, they really mean Kenya, or Tanzania, or South Africa or the bits of it with those exotic animals and sprawling savannah. I mean we're a continent but we've only got one ecosystem. It doesn't matter where you go on the continent, it's all the same.


So I give up. I can't talk about it anymore. I won't harp on about it because the only place for broken records is the bin, and I won't allow you fickle readers to put me in the bin. I'll be here for as long as I am here. I swear.

Happy Days,
Afam