What da What went down at the AMVCA's? (aka Honey, baby, sugar, you need to fire yourself as your stylist) Part one

Ahoy famzers!! Yes, I'm screaming this as I type it in my mind! I'm also smiling like a serial killer, because when you're eyes are as big as mine, and your mouth is as wide as mine, sometimes, when you smile, you're going to look like a serial killer. I would say that I had the mind of a serial killer but I don't. I would shoot someone, and say, "Ewww, look at his brains everywhere." Then I would vomit. Blood is disgusting.

This is why I call you lot famzers: http://www.theramblingsofamadman-afam.com/2013/01/notes-on-metal-garrurumon-famz-and.html 

Anyway, last night I got the chance to attend the Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards Nominations party. It was really quite a last minute affair that involved quite a bit of lying and posh accent dropping to even get through the gates. This would be impossible for any mere mortal, but I'm Afam. I'm epic, I'm a Gambian Legend (I'm not really Gambian, but Gambia is an extraordinary place), and I'm vulgar. Don't hold my vulgarity against me, it's almost never personal. When I say i'm vulgar you mustn't think that I go about screaming insults at people. It's just that I blog, and blogging is vulgar. More on this later...

As per usual, I had my Canon SX280HS (Baby Camera... i's a compact that Mama Afam gave me for earning a degree. It's also the first compact that I haven't lost within a week. THANK GOD!!) and my Daddy Camera (Canon 400D) with me so I took pictures. Unfortunately I wasn't as on the ball here, as I was during fashion week. Just before I arrived at the event I had to escape from an all day lecture from Papa Afam. Needless to say I wasn't feeling too awesome when I arrived, but when I left, I had an extra pep in my step.

Without further ado, I present to you, the What da what went down at the AMVCA's...

Please be warned that I shall not just be putting up pictures of the event, that's lazy, dull and uninteresting. If I didn't have a little fun by adding some much needed commentary to the shots, then I do not think I would do it for free. So to those I'm snarky about, I beg you, forgive me! I don't hate you, I just maybe hated what you were wearing, and that's okay isn't it?

This woman! Her name's Bisi Sowemimo I think. Yesterday was a shitty day for me. If I make a mistake correct me please!!! I'm sorry for my sub par performance with the names, I'll be better. I'll do better. Anyway, how gorgeous is she? Her limbs, they go on for days. And the dress, sinful. She very nearly had a Marilyn Monroe moment right there on the carpet, but she's a hustler. She tucked that dress in between her legs, and didn't think a thing of it. I like this woman.

You all know who this one is don't you? Uti Nwachukwu. It was evening when I took this shot, so why his shades are still on I can't quite say. He's alright I suppose. Everything fits so I can't really say that much. There's just something about it you know? It isn't great, and maybe it could have been if the jacket wasn't moss green, and it didn't have a red pocket square sticking out of it. Or maybe if he wasn't wearing a weird bondage bracelet that says "cuff me to the bed woman". Or maybe it's just that he was wearing shades when he really shouldn't have. I'll file it down as one of the things I can't explain. It could have been a lot worse though. So there.  

Do you have words for this? I mean, look at her! I mean, look at it. She got it right. If you disagree with me, I will fight you, and I will win. She's a lovely creature this. Her name's Isio Wanogho. Follow her on Instagram will you? isiodelavega

How adorable is this? The answer is very. The satellite gele made me smile. Her shoes not so much. It got me thinking that if your gele's sky high maybe your shoes don't have to be. I did love it though. She looks like someone I'd call mummy without feeling awkward. 

Check out this amazon. Yup. The dress is... but the woman is awesome. How pretty she looks. I'm digging the tousled bed head thing she's got going on. This is how the movies tell you that you should look after you've just had sex. We all know that people don't look like that after they've just had sex, but we buy the fantasy. 

She looks uncomfortable and she probably was. Those shoes look excruciating. She does look nice though. It's a flattering dress, with the wrong hair and alright jewellery . The right cuff didn't have to happen. I'm not to keen on the bag either. She looks nice, but with the right stylist she could have looked banging, and I'm sure she will next time. Her name's Katherine Obiang. 

   

These dudes were the coolest dudes there! The best thing about being on the red carpet, is that while you stand there and JUDGE everyone, they also judge themselves. When I was judging dude on the right, he started laughing, because he judged himself and he knew that he didn't try. Then I started laughing because he too could benefit from having a stylist. He was super good spirited about it, so I was too. I quite like them you know? 

Eku Edewor. Now, I can't say anything not nice about Eku because, the president of her fan club and my occasional assistant Bintin lives with me. Be that as it may, Eku doesn't really mess up in the fashion department. And she's nice to me. I like people that are nice to me. She noted that I was coming up in the world, and I am. Very soon I shall be your leader. Anyway Eku's wearing a stunning dress by Bridget Awosika. Even though I saw it on the runway at Lagos Fashion Week I didn't rate it until I saw it on her. 

Let's talk about Vimbai. Red dress = hot. Awesome clutch = stylish. Lovely figure = Thank you God/Allah/Jesus/Buddha/thetans/ parents... I don't care what you believe in just thank something! Beautiful face = Thank you genetics and IMOTEDA!! Yes! imoteda is the make up artist that beat it up yo. She beat it so hard that I'm sitting here admiring the make up. And then she stood by her woman! Imoteda was touching it up at every chance she got. At the end of everything, IMOTEDA looked wretched but that was okay because Vimbai looked beautiful. all of that aside, she's actually a super great, super professional person. She worked hard. She did well. I'm happy for her. I hope I meet her again.  

Ebony and Ivory? Forgive me. Sometimes, the words, they come, and I can't stop them! 

This is what happens when two friends have animated conversations on the red carpet. Yes, Afam will take that picture!! The gist must have been hot though. Eku's quite clearly saying "Oh my God, I could not!!" Vimbai's saying, "Damn gurr, I could not even believe it." Lololol. I find this amusing. :)  

Aha! I've been dying to talk about this one. He's Gbenro and he's on Tinsel. Now, when he put this on, he knew where he was going and he wore it anyway. Ah! where do I start? Well first off he needs a stylist or a best friend or somebody to tell him when he isn't getting it. Most people have that person. If I wear rubbish and Papa Afam sees me, he'll tell me off for a week. Now, I didn't say that Gbenro wore rubbish. I'm sure the items that he wore are brilliant when they're not paired together. Maybe just not the jeans. They're too big. If jeans don't fit, they should be burned. Look at the way they're riding up because of the suspenders! Isn't he a little too tall for the Erkel nerdy look? Aren't you glad I didn't take an ass shot, because his wedgie was fierce! I suppose some of you like that sort of thing, but not me. I'm not that liberal. And that watch is Mah-Ha- SSIVE.It's bigger than my head. This is much too much but as much as it is it wasn't the muchest. Just wait a second, I shall show you.

First I shall pray to the universe. Dear Universe thank you for presenting me with this opportunity to be mean, and by mean I mean nasty, and by nasty, I mean like the devil. But Universe, you are a bastard, I will not rise to the occasion because I'm a child of the light. I like her bag and her jewellery. I also love her hair and her make up. I love it from the boobs up. I wouldn't have minded it so much if she managed to find the second leg of either one of the shoes, and that's the part of the truth... But I shall move on because if I do not, the temptation will overwhelm me and only God knows what will happen then. Honey, baby, sugar, sweetie, fire yourself as your stylist.    

Here we have Andrea Giaccaglia and Sika Osei. I first met Andrea in Fashion Week. She's the one who had the arch of life.  I follow her on Instagram now, because seeing a pretty face always makes me a little bit happier. She always kills it. All she's wearing is a black dress, but everything about it is impeccable. She gets it. She just gets it. You don't need to have the most elaborate dress,. You don't need to have the biggest rocks. And you don't need all the make up in the world. Simplicity takes to beauty more readily than excess. Sika looks nice too. The bubble skirt gives her Kardashian like curves. It looks like it was difficult to sit in though. 

Meet Ebuka! It seems to me that I met him during fashion week. I didn't like what he wore then, but I like it now. He was feeling himself, and I was feeling him too. There's nothing wrong with this. And it was sunny when he was posing so I don't mind that he's wearing shades. The shoes are very shiny, but that's okay because nothing else is shiny. I like it. I like it a lot. I think I'll copy it. 

Ehem... Okay. This one makes me a little weak. It's just so, so. It's much too much for me. I would only ever wear that to a costume party, and then again, I think I'd rather wear the spandex flash costume I have at the foot of my closet. Anyway, he looks good. It is a little vulgar but that's okay I guess. Now, forget about everything I've said and let's talk about the fit. It fits him like a damn glove yo. That means the designer understands bodies yo. So we need to hit that designer up, and have him make us something less ibo boy and more yoruba old money. Am I right? The guy's Chris Okagbue and it was designed by Adetorch clothing. 

I love this. And I don't think I need to say why. It's a beautifully cut suit that fits well.  His name is Joseph Benjamin. yes, that's two first names. I guess he didn't have a choice in the matter. 

This is proof that my camera is a saint. This woman looks stunning. The robe she's wearing drapes really well in this photo and the shoes look amazing. I think she put my camera's name in a calabash. Yes, I sense some spiritual interference here. I joke. She looks good, and pictures don't lie. Or do they? 

That brings part one to a close.

Happy Days,
Afam