I would be lying if I didn't admit that I've become tormented by a new hesitancy when I write, or before I write. I think my voice is changing again. Every few months something happens and the words that once flowed like water dry up. Forgive the overused metaphor, but it's true. When I pull for the words, they no longer feel natural. The sentences I write no longer feel like things I should write, or the things that are me. So why do I write them? Well, everybody's got to do something, and doing something, even if it's an unnatural thing, is infinitely better than doing the alternative, nothing. But this isn't a problem right now because my head and my heart are full of Coks aka Cokey.

Those of you who've been with me since the beginning will remember when you first met Cokey. I remember when I introduced her to you. I was quite young at twenty and two, and I was insistent that women could be handsome too.

The Dynamics of Keira Knightley's face - The Handsome Paradox

Enter Cokey

In primary school I believed that Cokey was the height of beauty and good breeding. Her skin is the colour of the flesh of a mango and her limbs are long and supple. As if all of that weren't enough, back then, she towered over me by more than a head. What can I say? I had good taste.

Afam: If someone called you handsome what would you think?


Coks: Me? As in a girl, handsome? 

Afam: Yah.

Coks: Personally I'd be fine... lol.

Coks: I'd assume the person had used the wrong word.

Coks: Don't call a girl handsome.
  
Afam: Would it be a compliment or...?

Coks: It really depends on how chilled she is as a person.

So as I was saying, presently, my head and my heart are full of Cokey. It is her birthday today and there's a voice within me serenading her and it's a shame, because the songs it's singing are terrible. They're like my poetry, physical, shallow, and too try hard to be anything worth singing about. I suppose a few of them are sweet but that's mostly the fault of Taylor Swift. I listen to her every now and then. I must apologise for the personal put down there. It isn't good to put yourself down, but I do. I suppose my poetry is honest at the time that it is written and it is that that makes it worthy of record and not anything else. And back to Cokey.

There aren't many who ask after me as sweetly as she. There aren't many who listen as intently as she. And there aren't many who live as selflessly as she. Her smile is quick, her mind is often foggy, but her hand is sure. She's an architect now. She got her degree this summer, but the truth is that doesn't mean shit. She didn't need a degree to tell her that she was good enough. I look at the building she designed from time to time and wonder about it. She's my age but she's already built something that could outlive the both of us.

So I'm here, sitting at my crummy desk, thinking about how lucky I am to know her. She makes me want to be better, and that is reason enough for anything.

Happy Birthday Cokey.

Every man is entitled to his opinions. This is why I entertained a conversation with one Aran Koch about the handsomeness of a woman. I shall now relay the conversation.

Aran: Women can't be handsome fam :-s. (Smileys are the greatest gift given to us by the 2000s. Can you imagine life without them?)

Afam:They can

Aran: The women I'm with would disagree

Afam:Pah! They know nothing. A woman can be handsome. Take for example, Keira Knightly. (Keira Knightly is probably the most handsomest woman in all the land see below for proof.)



Aran: Afam, I feel as though you are digging yourself a hole from which you will have grave difficulty climbing out . To suggest that Keira is handsome would be a gross misunderstanding. She is a lady and therefore beautiful. Please correct this as I feel you're very much in the wrong. Kind regards.

Afam: There is nothing wrong with calling a woman handsome. Keira Knightly's jaw could have been surgically transplanted from a construction worker hence her face can no longer be described as being classically beautiful. Please refer to this quote you overgrown turnip “By a handsome woman, we understand one that is tall, graceful, and well-shaped, with a regular disposition of features; by a pretty, we mean one that is delicately made, and whole features are so formed as to please; by a beautiful, a union of both,” writes John Trusler in 1783's The Distinction Between Words Esteemed Synonymous in the English Language.

Aran: Regardless, I challenge you to find a women who would like to be called handsome ;) (That my friends is a wink). 

Afam: Crikey! Challenge accepted! 

enter Sir Tolu

Sir Tolu: How about this woman?(See creature below)

 Afam: Well done Tolu. The next time I see you I shall replace your head with a limousine.

I decided to do some social research.

enter Coks
 In primary school I believed Coks the height of beauty and good breeding. Her skin was the colour of the flesh of a mango. Her limbs were long and supple. As if all of that weren't enough she towered over me by more than a head. What can I say? I had good taste.

Afam: If someone called you handsome what would you think?

Coks: Me? As in a girl, handsome? 

Afam: Yah.

Coks: Personally I'd be fine... lol.

Coks: I'd assume the person had used the wrong word.

Coks: Don't call a girl handsome.
 
Afam: Would it be a compliment or...?

Coks: It really depends on how chilled she is as a person.


That wasn't very encouraging. I embarked on even more social research. This time I turned to my good friend's younger sister, Keji.
enter Keji
Afam: If someone called you handsome what would you think?

Keji: Lol, handsome??? (three question marks?)

Afam: Yes, handsome.

Keji: That I look like a man. :(.



My cause was losing steam. So I called on Starmix. She's usually a stronghold of support.
enter Starmix
Afam: If someone, I'll rephrase that, if I called you handsome what would you think?

Starmix: That I looked like a pretty boy.

Afam: Would you take it?

Starmix: I might, but why not spring for beautiful, or pretty. Surely you can find it within yourself to do better. 

Afam: But handsome is 2 parts better than pretty and less than a part worse than beautiful.

Starmix: We'll agree to disagree. I'm quite sure that there's a word for what you mean and it isn't handsome. Please refrain.

I know handsome may seem like an old-fashioned adjective when applied to women, but even the Urban dictionary defines a handsome woman as "A woman with the kind of refined beauty and attractiveness that requires poise, dignity, and strength of mind and character."

In conclusion, failed to complete my challenge for I could not find one lady who would be content with being referred to as handsome but the New York Mirror had the right of it when they declared “A handsome woman is handsome only in one way; a pretty one is pretty as a thousand.”  in 1832.

Many thanks to Coks, Starmix, Keji, Sir Tolu and Aran. Extra special thanks to  Autumn Whitefield Mandrano for providing me with several of the interesting quotes used in this post. http://open.salon.com/blog/the_beheld/2011/11/01/thoughts_on_a_word_handsome.

Happy Days,
Afam