A couple of my cousins, brother and I decided to see X-Men: apocalypse on opening night in Lagos.  Any Lagos cinema goer would tell you that Marvel movies are big business here and trying to get tickets on opening night at the Palms would be an exercise in futility seeing as we all work and are not that die hard.  We settled on the 11.15pm showing at the Film House cinema in Surulere. I am a die-hard Film House person because the bants are quite frankly unparalleled.

We were fortunate to sit next to probably one of the biggest fans of the franchise.  He was absolutely enraptured and proceeded to give is a blow by blow of every single plot twist, character development or possible future dialogue that was relevant.

 He reminded us that Erik lost his parents in Auschwitz, that the monster in the box had to be Wolverine with loud gasps of ‘OSHE, GET IT!!!!!’ 


He was by no means alone in his excitement.  We all know the cast of X-men very well and know what other franchises they have been in.  We all also have probably watched every previous movie. Why else would we risk our cars being stolen in Surulere by watching a movie that late? I digress.

There was a LOT of clapping when anything major blew up or occurred (so like the entire movie).  A crowd favorite had to be when Erik’s secret son took the biggest punch of the movie as well as single handedly rescued everyone from Dr. Xavier’s school.  The crowd LOST THEIR SHIT screaming!!!!

My personal highlights throughout the night include…. ‘ERIK DON’T YOU KNOW HE’S YOUR SON!!!!’ 

And ‘GO SANSA!! GO YOU PHOENIX!!’ by a lady in the back
And when Stan Lee showed as he is wont to and someone said ‘Baba we missed you!!!!’

And not to mention in the end when Mystique was rallying the newly re-formed x-men someone yelled ‘DON’T YOU KNOW THIS IS NOT THE HUNGER GAMES, RELAX!’ 

I cried with laughter.  I couldn’t even be annoyed at the interruptions. They were bloody imaginative!

We didn’t wait for the end credits… cos it was 2am and it was Surulere.  I’m entirely game to watch it at another site though.

I apolgise for this in advance. There is a spoiler ahead. If you're a fan of the Game of Thrones and you hate it when things are spoiled, then now is the time that you should leave. It may seem odd that I tell you to exit stage left, but I'd rather you thought well of me than ill. If you no longer like me, then you'll stop reading. And if you stop reading then I don't know what I'll do. 



Yesterday, the world was abuzz because a certain television character pulled a Lazarus on us. Yes! Jon Snow came back to life. To be honest I saw it coming. Kit Harrington, the actor that plays Jon Snow said time and time again that his character wasn't coming back to life, but if that was the case, I didn't see why he had to be on set all the time. It doesn't take that long to pretend to be dead. Lying motionless on a bed of stone does not take six months to film.

Some people said that he was filming flashbacks, but Game of Thrones isn't really all that flashback heavy. There is so much material to cover that there is simply no time for detailed examinations of the past, and if there is, the events that will be covered won't be anything from Jon Snow's time. Furthermore, there's the theory that he's the bastard child of Rhaegar Targaryan and Eddard (Ned) Stark's sister Lyanna.

The mysteries surrounding him are far too important for him to die.

Even though he's come back, we cannot expect that he'll be the same. In 2011 George R. Martin, the creator of the incredibly lucrative franchise said:

"I do think that if you're bringing a character back, that a character has gone through death, that's a transformative experience"

He then went on to say :

"My characters who come back from death are worse for wear. In some ways, they're not even the same characters anymore. The body may be moving, but some aspect of the spirit is changed or transformed, and they've lost something. One of the characters who has come back repeatedly from death is Beric Dondarrion, The Lightning Lord. Each time he's revived he loses a little more of himself. He was sent on a mission before his first death. He was sent on a mission to do something, and it's like, that's what he's clinging to. He's forgetting other things, he's forgetting who he is, or where he lived. He's forgotten the woman who he was once supposed to marry. Bits of his humanity are lost every time he comes back from death; he remembers that mission. His flesh is falling away from him, but this one thing, this purpose that he had is part of what's animating him and bringing him back to death. I think you see echoes of that with some of the other characters who have come back from death."

So what does this mean?

It means that even though Jon Snow is back and his curls remain intact he may not be the same character that we fell in love with over the course of 5 seasons. This makes things infinitely more interesting.

For the first time, there is no difference between those who've read the books and those who haven't. We're all wonderfully ignorant of what the world of Westeros holds for us. The GIf below is no longer true.


Now, for the most part, we all exist in a perpetual state of suspense. The cliffhangers are universal. We obviously can't wait for George R. Martin to finish what he started. I almost wish that he'd be like a Jeffrey Archer. That the books would come out every year, as surely as winter, summer and autumn do.

As we wait for the next episode, we can delight ourselves in Kit Harrington's very sincere apology for the lies that he told before the new season aired. "I'd like to say I'm sorry for lying to everyone." He said in an interview with Entertainment Weekly.

At this point I can almost say that I am glad that he lied. If he hadn't. This avid fan and twitter genius would probably not have made this.

jon snow is the new jesus pic.twitter.com/Nu0WJkBFr4

— plutao (@geraradway) May 2, 2016

Happy Days,
Afam

The furore surrounding Emmy award winning director Cary Fukunaga’s film, Beasts Of No Nation, starring Idris Elba and the new comer, Abraham Attah, has died down a bit, but most who have seen it speak for its quality. The film has a 90% rating on criticism aggregation website Rotten Tomatoes and 7.9 stars on the internet movie database. Even  comedienne of the moment Amy Schumer, has testified to its amazingness on twitter. However it would be a travesty to let the buzz of the film overshadow the issue at its heart, and that is the continued use of underage combatants in conflict around the world.

“The existence of child soldiers is one that remains extremely relevant globally,” said Uzo Iweala author of the book, Beasts of no Nation.

Iweala’s book provided much of the source material for the film which is set in an undisclosed African Nation. It follows the story of Agu (Abraham Attah) as he is conscripted into the Commandant’s (Idris Elba) vigilante group. The film is a fictional but realistic telling of the possible story of a child comatant but the issue cannot be said to be an African one. Iweala said “A number of countries have this problem. One way or another there are about 300,000 child soldiers operating in the world today from the Central African Republic to the Resistance Army to the Islamic State and the Kurdish Forces.”

This year alone, the Violations Documentations centre in Syria has recorded the deaths of 135 male and female child non-civilians. This number looks to be rising as the UK-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights said that France’s first air strike at the end of September killed 12 child soldiers.
The situation will not be an easy one to solve, according to Iweala. “There are many processes involved. We can’t tell how people will act in situations of extreme crisis, and we have to take into consideration the effects of command and control.”

Iweala is pleased that after ten years of his book being published, it made it to the silver screen. He said: “It is an honour to have your work made into film by a director like Cary Fukunaga, and with talent like Idris Elba, and the young Abraham Attah.”

The film, Beasts of no Nation was screened at the London Film festival this year, is currently available on Netflix, and it opened in Nigeria last night. 

When you read the Hunger Games series, you're reminded of the Twilight series because of the inherent love triangle. While Twilight never quite strays from its sugary beginnings, the Hunger Games becomes an entirely new beast by Mockingjay 2.

I wasn't exactly pleased when I learned that the trilogy would be split into four parts, but in the end I think it worked. Jennifer Lawrence is brilliant as Katniss. She carries her scenes almost effortlessly. Any movie fan will tell you that what she does isn't easy. I may not know much about acting but I have seen several others fail at what she seems to do so naturally.


She's magical isn't she? All she's doing in that GIF is walking. It isn't even a Naomi Campbell walk, but it's still rather riveting. It would probably be the greatest thing if she had her own reality television show.

 It would be fantastic if for once there was a reality tv show that about someone with an actual successful career. But that's enough about J-Law because believe it or not she isn't the only one in the movie.


And now we've got David Sutherland as President Snow.

A quick aside...

If I look half as good as he does at 80, I'll make like Kanye and toast the douchebags of the world. I mean look at that beard! He's essentially the fashionable combination of Gandalf and Dumbledore. #Goals.

Everything that he does in the film is great. I think my envy for his beard may have clouded my judgement a bit. It's been a month since I last shaved and my beard looks like patches of mould on a too long left out piece of bread.


Josh Hutcherson plays Peeta Mellark and he's fictional proof that the nice average looking guy is the one that ends up with the popular babe. However, before the nice guy makes his way out of the friendzone, he must do the following.

• Try to kill her.
• Insult her in a profoundly deep and meaningful way everytime he sees her. 
• Kill at least one of her friends. 
• Be mentally ill for at least a year. 
• Show up for when she's in dire need of company - This bit of advice may actually work. If you adhere to the others, I all but guarantee that the odds won't be in your favour. 

Then you have Liam Hemsworth as Gale. He does a good job of being somber. Even when he smiles, he does it like he's grieving, and while that may sound bad, it's in keeping with the general tone of the movie. Kudos! His story made me glad. It said that we are not free from blame if we unknowingly hurt someone. This is something that I agree with.

The most note worthy scene in my opinion was the one depicted above. It both confused and delighted me. They said it was oil, but I didn't know what kind of oil it was. Crude oil? Bonny Light? All in all it made for very interesting viewing. I say grab a bag of pop corn, people get shot, and good and bad people go boom boom and then they say bye bye. One of the most interesting things about the series is that there was really no one in it that was entirely good or entirely bad. There is beauty in the murkiness of life.

It has come to my attention that I might be balding. Of course balding isn't uncommon in men, it's the natural way of things. The problem here is that I, Afam am not a boy and not yet a man. Well, we've all listened to Britney Spears at one point or the other so you mustn't think any less of me. Yes, Slave 4 u blew my 11 year old mind clean out of my head. Perhaps this is the source of my madness. I shall contemplate this while playing guitar hero later. Speaking of which, I managed to cop quite the brilliant deal from a fellow Student Castle resident. Student Castle is the rather queer but nice building I live in. I love the way building and live in sound together. There's a sort of assonance there that excites me. I think that there is a slight possible that I am "assosexual". Yes, I made that up myself and yes, I am incredibly pleased with myself.


I, Afam, managed to obtain Guitar Hero Legends of Rock, Guitar Hero World Tour and two Guitar Hero guitars for £20. This is a BARGAIN and three quarters!! I am so excited that I cannot contain myself. I am so excited that I might go for a jig outside. Yes, a little Cha Cha, a little Mambo No. 5, just so that you won't need that Love Potion number 9.




Mambo number 5 is the Lou Bega song that features the names of the following women: Angela, Pamela, Monica, Erika, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary, and Jessica in that order.


Love Potion Number 9 is a song by the written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, originally performed by the Clovers, but perhaps made most famous by the searchers and a 1992 Rom Com starring Tate Donovan and Sandra Bullock. And yes, you guessed it the movie is based on the song. I know, it all sounds a little bizarre so I'll exit, stage left... Hilar! Hilar! Hilar! And that folks is how the word hilarious came about. It was first someone's very very peculiar laugh, much like guffaw. 

That was quite possibly the best £20 I have ever spent. I, like Alexander Dumas, Lindsay Lohan, Nicholas Cage and Wesley Snipes am simply frightful when it comes to the management of money. Do you know that I spent up to £100 pounds on the popular Ipad and Iphone game, Clash of Clans? I no longer play this game, but I maintain that it was money well spent because I gained a great deal of satisfaction from it. If spending money does not leave you feeling all good, bubbly, spritely and frivolous inside, then what is the good of it? If it makes you happy, you should use that Benjamin Franklin dollar bill to wipe your nose, or pick up your dog's accident. In fact, I do not know why we don't for if we took it to the bank they would be obliged to take the note, regardless of it's condition. This seems to me to be the most economical mode of human waste management. It's like toilet roll that's infinitely and completely recyclable.

While balding isn't uncommon in men, I Afam, am not a man. No I'm not. I'm a man child and the last time I checked there was nothing in my man child hand book that said anything about balding, thinning and receding hairlines. If my widow's peak becomes any more isolated, I just might change the name of the blog. Oh! You don't know what a widow's peak is? Hahahaha! I laugh at your ignorance. No, I shan't tell you. I cannot possibly be expected to operate like a walking talking infomercial. I hate those things. They make me want to violence the television. Yes, violence the television because I do not know what sort of mechanism of violence I wish to inflict on the fowl device. My widow's peak, being eroded from both sides at an alarming rate. I fear that soon the name widow's peak will no longer do.  I fear that soon, it'll be a widows island.

I went to my barber the other day to complain about the situation. I said to him,

"Ahmed! Look at what is happening! Just look at it! Look at it!"

You must excuse the shouty exclamation marks, I was not my usual cool, calm, and collected self. My inner Zen was in shambles and my inner god was on holiday. If E.L James, the woman behind the 50 Shades of Grey insists that women have an inner goddess whose entire diction is almost completely governed by two words, "Oh my!" then I insist that men must have an inner god whose diction completely revolves around the this expletive laden phrase, "f*** that s**t"

"What is it that I am meant to be looking at?" he replied, completely oblivious of the man tantrum I was throwing.

"My head! My hairline! It's receding!" I yelled back at him. I was no greater than two stages away from ripping the hair from my head like a mourning widow.

"Ah. Yes. I can see it. It's because you think too much."

I was so perplexed by his answer that I forgot my attention gathering antics.

"I think too much?" I asked him.

"Yes. I see it all the time. Every time I cut your hair, your forehead is wrinkled." he answered.

"But what if I was losing the hair in the centre of my head"

"Easy. That's usually cos you know too much."

"And if I had both the receding hairline and the balding centre?"

"Then you think you know too much." he replied smugly.


The End

Happy Days,
Afam

I feel like my soul has been tethered to some sweeping movement of thought, and that I am closer to discovering the true point of it all. At the very least I am closer than I was 172 minutes ago. I am fairly certain that the cause of this great stir is the movie, Cloud Atlas.

It begins with an old bearded Tom Hanks sitting by a fire delivering a truly astounding monologue,


"Lonesome night. Babbits bawlin', wind bitin' t'bone. Wind like this carries voices, ancestry howlin' at'cha, screaming their stories, all their voices tied up in't'one. And out there's you know who spyin' from the dark... Old Georgie and me crossed paths more times'n I'm comfy mem'ryn. After I'm died no tellin' what that fangy devil won't try to do to me... Listen close and let me yarn you 'bout the first time we met eye to eye..."


The monologue tells you what you need to know about the movie. It tells you that this movie is not one that you watch while having a heated argument about whether or not Beyonce lip synced the American National Anthem, it's the sort that demands your attention from the start.

It is quite possibly the best movie I have ever seen, and undoubtedly the best movie of the current decade. Once it's begun it assumes the form of some great crusade. It surges through you like a bursting rapid and connects dots that you didn't know could be connected. The feeling is quite profound. It is the perfect combination of a eureka moment and another moment of intense sadness. Upon completion, you'll be left with the most overwhelming feeling. You will not understand how they managed to turn it out as one movie when it was truly 6 connected only by dialogue, recurring characters and a truly remarkable sound track. It is a grand sweeping effort. Even if you disagree with me about its quality, I am sure that you will agree that it is the best value for money that one can ever hope to gain from a film.

I cannot believe that it was completely snubbed at the Oscars. As I was watching it, I knew that I would see it again and even now as I watch it again, I know that I'll definitely see it a third time. I'll keep watching it until I have understood all that there is to be understood about it. 

Happy Days,
Afam