It is with grave regret that I announce the death of our dearest friend Henry Robertson. He shall be missed. Henry succumbed to a deep chill while Bunburying away in the South of France. He requested that his ashes be carried in my trusty Toyota Corrolla, from now until the end of all time as he claims that it was in that car that he had the best moments of his life

I first created Henry Robertson on 2011. Henry was meant to be the amalgamation of every friend of note that I had ever had. I quickly realized that this in itself was a fatal flaw. I try to maintain the anonymity of most of the characters in my life. Just as I have maintained mine. It might surprise you that the name I go by in modern society is not actually Afam. I digress. I thought it peculiar that all the adventures in my life should revolve around a fictional character. I imagined that it would get dull very quickly, just as the famous five and the secret seven got dull. If the famous five had recruited new members then things would have been very interesting indeed. I have already extracted the following individuals from Henry’s subconscious:

Asquith:
Asquith’s original name was Kofi-Fish, but for reasons unknown I felt that Asquith was a better fit. Asquith is one of the best friends I have ever had. He’s the only friend I have that insults me more than an enemy would. We’ve been on the greatest adventures together.

Gbaddy:
Gbaddy is my elder brother. His name may yet change as it’s current form does not provide for the greatest anonymity. If anyone needs anonymity it would be him. His antics are most salacious.

Ogilvey:
Gil is one of my friends from school. Like Asquith he holds the honourary position of best friend. He can be completely assured in its’ permanence.

Sir Tolu:
Sir Tolu’s an aspiring Dentist musician with whom I have entered into a gay relationship without the sex. I believe that that is what they call a bromance.

BFG:
I like him. I know he likes me too. We poke each other at least once a month. The name says it all. No words could ever do him justice, so for now I'm forced to make do with the simplest of descriptions for if I should attempt to describe him fully, the superlatives would never cease. I give to you the Big Friendly Giant.



These are the only five that have been featured on the blog so far. I cannot, or will not tell you of the others, for what kind of blogger gives spoilers of his own content?

Happy Days,
Afam.

I fear I am cursed. In the early hours of the morning I was forced to endure bedraggling levels of fuckery and buggery that left me scratching my head in shame. If you recall, I did myself the favour of watching Heartbreakers starring Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I never thought it possible, but I seem to have bested myself.

You see after the incidents of this morning, I sought to forcibly raise my taste levels by reading a piece of literature so well renowned that it would wipe away the blemishes left by my cravings for rubbish and hopefully leave me with a new craving for the finer things in life (artistically). With this goal in mind I turned to Netflix for research. Right up there on the list of things I should like was an adaptation of The Importance of Being Earnest and Educating Rita. The first of these is an adaptation of a play of the same name by Oscar Wilde and the second is a relatively modern retelling of Pygmalion. I will discuss the latter later.

Armed with mild curiousity and the knowledge that I shall be reading the play in the near future, I embark on the task of watching the film (There may be Spoilers). The script is light and witty, the cast   formidable and skilled. The Director however, is rather heavy handed. The script is so witty and sharp that there is no need for so many scene changes. I found it a little distracting. Peter Bradshaw of the Guardian and Jason Best of the BBC hated it. They hated it so much that they both described it as a collapsed souffle.

In my opinion a collapsed souffle can be just as tasty as an upright one, and this one certainly was. I guffawed for half an hour. Such intense levels of faffery should be banned. Towards the end I could hardly take it, there was revelation after revelation and each one was funnier than the last. I have never seen Colin Firth act so foolish in role. If you combine this with the epic script your left with a something so spectacular, that no words in my vernacular, could describe this grave event, I was dumb with wonderment (Surely I don't need to reference Moulin Rouge?)

Below are some of the lines that I found remarkable:

Algernon Moncrief: The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she's pretty, and someone else if she's plain. (So TRUE!!)


Miss Prism: The good end happily and the bad unhappily, that is what fiction is. (When speaking about fiction to Gwendolen Fairfax)


Lady Bracknell: I have always been of the opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?
Jack Worthing: I know nothing, Lady Bracknell.
Lady Bracknell: I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delecate, exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did it would prove a serious threat to the upper classes, and probably lead ot acts of violence in Grosvenor Square.


Jack Worthing: How you can sit there eating muffins when we're in this terrible trouble, I can't make out! It seems to me to be perfectly heartless...
Algernon Moncrief: I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs.


Lady Bracknell: Are your parents living?
Jack Worthing: No I have lost both my parents
Lady Bracknell: To lose one may be described as misfortune, to lose both is carelessness


Lady Bracknell: At their age the idea is grotesque and irreligious, Algie I forbid you to be baptized!!


Lady Bracknell: The general was essentially a man of peace except in his domestic life.

Happy Days,
Afam.