Student Castle Chronicles: Optimum Pillock and the Devils

I must apologise for the lack of decent content on the good old blog but you must understand that being a student pays better than being a blogger. If I were to blog full time my earnings would be lower than a dollar a day. Yes my friends, and foes, I would be living below the poverty line and I would be unable to afford my studio in the broken castle I currently inhabit...

Student Castle in all its splendour.

Life in the student castle has improved somewhat. I haven't had to wait 10 minutes for the elevator in forever and my shower has stopped trying to murder me. All would be perfect if my neighbours were not devils. Actually there is probably only one devil but I use the plural form of the word for effect. Yes, the Alarmist effect. On Sunday morning I was having the best dream. It was quite the epic. Lord Christian Grey (this is a real person, who is actually a Lord. After hearing about the success of one Christian Grey from the 50 shades of Gray, my friend Howard Grey legally changed his name to Christian Grey. He purchased his Lordship soon after.), Montesquieu (This is quite the mouthful so we all call him Monty) and I (Afam) transformed to form Optimum Pillock. We patrolled the hallways of Student Castle arresting evil doers and protecting the peace.

Optimum Pillock

Maybe it wasn't a dream after all. I still like to think of it as one, for the above picture is very sad indeed. I cannot and will not explain what was going on there. Truth be told, I can't remember.

Anyway, where was I? I was dreaming about the adventures of Optimum Pillock when a truly evil noise reached me (This was fairly remarkable as I was quite deep in Dream Land. I was so deep that I believed that it would take me at least another 4 hours to navigate my way to reality).

I fought hard against the beast but my efforts were in vain. I opened my eyes only to be assaulted by a truly other worldly sound system. It lambasted its way through the walls like they were made of paper. I looked at my sleeping partner (curb your enthusiasm, it's only my laptop) and saw that it was 7am on a Sunday morning. Is this not evil? Are they not wicked? What student in their right mind willingly forgoes his/her Sunday lie in to punish one Afam. This is tantamount to a declaration of war. Unknown cretin, I will find you... Your punishment will be equivalent to your crime.

In other news my building, Student Castle seems to have relapsed. After a very intense squash session with the lads and lasses from the University of Manchester Squash society, I wanted nothing more than to collapse on my bed and rest my tired muscles (my buttocks were particularly sore for one must perform an inhumane number of squats and lunges when playing a decent game of squash) but this was not to be. When I tried to get a lift up to the 21st floor the lift system informed me that the lifts were busy. I was a little puzzled for I had never seen that message before. I went to investigate. It so happened that only one lift was working. After about 7 minutes, one other lift returned to active duty. Once in the lift I was greeted by the following scene...

That is the cctv camera dangling like an aerial contortionist. No, there was no technician in the lift at the time so I can't tell you if maintenance work was being done or not. I would say more but pictures really are worth thousands of words.

Happy Days,
Afam