Life According to Captain Reginald: Afam's back (the dog days are over)

My father, master and my everything, Afam (may he live forever) has once again provided me with the honour of blogging on his behalf. the honour is a great one indeed as it is one that he has yet to bestow on any animal or man in all the seven planes. And make no mistake, there are seven planes which is why I take my role as principal defender of the Afam household and compound so seriously. If I wasn't here, I'm sure Afam (may he live forever) would have been seduced by a dog hating witch, and I can't have that. I, the highly esteemed and infinitely handsome Captain Reginald will defend his body and heart with my life, and in my opinion, there is no better way to ensure the protection of his fragile, rabbit heart, than to be its sole occupier.

That's me. Is my form not remarkable? Do I not prance like a show pony? Show me a beast that is more handsome than me in all the world. You can't! For there is none. 

I'm extremely sorry that I haven't told you anything of the going ons in the Afam household for the longest time, but you'll forgive me because I am handsome.

My life hasn't been great to be honest. My kennel is in disrepair, and I have been stripped of all daylight wandering privileges. Now that Afam is here, I'm sure that all of that will be rectified but life's been ghastly and none of it was my fault I swear. It all started when the electrician came over. I'm very particular about my territory so when I saw the lout stroll in without even taking the care to ring the blooming bell, I lost my shit. Yes, I literally went to the garden to deposit a reasonably sized poo in my poo corner of the garden. After my poo, I knew exactly what to do. I hid myself in the hedges and when the very very rude electrician was leaving I reminded him that no man or beast may enter the premises without first asking me for permission. I nipped at his ankles as he fled from the premises. I was very proud of myself until Papa Afam returned.

When Papa Afam returned, my pedigree instinct told me that the oga at the top of my own oga at the top was seriously considering putting me down. I made myself scarce, for I, Captain Reginald, am too young to die. How can I die when Afam has not yet produced a bastard? How can I die when I haven't fathered a litter of handsome pedigree puppies? While Papa Afam didn't do me in, he did strip me of all the treats that I was due. There were no more strips of bacon, peppered meat, and peppered chicken. I was strictly on a diet of dog biscuits and water. One day, as I was moping in the corner somewhere, I heard a few chickens clucking. The craving was too great. I couldn't possibly resist. I snuck out later that night and devoured the whole lot of them. And that's when I was stripped of all daylight privileges.

Anyway the dog days are over for just the other day, Afam the merciful (may he live forever) took me and the other dog, Sabrina, out to the beach. It's an unbelievably filthy beach but as I hadn't seen the sun in far too long I was happy.

How happy I look. Like I said earlier, the beach is unbelievably filthy but I didn't mind. 

That's Afam. I really wish he would wear more clothing. I fear that he's a nudist at heart but that can't be helped, or if it can I do not know how to help it. He's wearing a gender bending tunic from Zara and Adidas running shorts. I don't know where he found the confidence to strut like that, but I want whatever he's on.

My vanity knows no bounds.

That's Afam again. He was doing some sort of cultural dance.

I guess the point of this is that fun is subjective. For some people it's driving down to the pretty naff beach about five minutes away from where they live and running amok. I went to the beach with Afam and the other dog, Sabrina, and it was pretty decent. We didn't do much, and we weren't there for very long but that was okay. It was it's own special sort of nice.

And that's all I'm prepared to tell you.

Tata For Now,
Captain Reginald