If you're not going to rob me, then don't touch me (The Cashless Society is a deadly society)

Ah! My views have collapsed. I don't blame the lot of you for abandoning me because that's the way life is. If you stop showing up for people then they'll stop showing up for you and that's why my life is so brilliant. I have people that show up for me all day, every day and that's amazing. I was going to say that's fucking amazing but the people that show up for me, don't like it when I swear, so there. I quite like that sentence you know? Anyway, let's get back to the matter. Nigerian people are odd. I'm going to move on to a new paragraph because this one has gone on for long enough. 

Nigerians are odd. The other day I was withdrawing cash from an ATM machine and...

All card related transactions in Nigeria are daft. I can't stand them. Do you know how many times I've been double billed? I don't even know how many times I've been double billed! If I get double billed, I'm ruined. I live from hand to mouth. My savings do not exist, so when I'm paying for groceries at Prince Ebeano and the machine says that the transaction's been declined while it's taking my money on the down low, I am not a happy camper. That's at least 8 days of me being broker than... I don't know... Broker than I care to be. I don't know why we're being pushed to go cashless when we can't depend on the bloody things to work when we need them to. And that's that! If I didn't have my parents, I'd be screwed in more ways than one. I'm not sure how much longer I'll have them for to be honest. The other day Papa Afam gave me £40 aka N10,000 and said, "go forth and be happy" I spent it in two hours. I'm not happy anymore. The thing is I didn't even spend it on anything concrete. I hate it when that happens. 

Yes! The other day I was withdrawing cash from an ATM machine when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I know the drill. I was expecting a gun in my side, accompanied by the the words, "your money or your life." I was ready. I had been taught well. The good Papa Afam told me that if anyone ever attempted to rob me, I should go above and beyond to ensure that the thief was happy. If he wanted my phone, I should offer both my phone and my shoes. And if he wasn't satisfied, then I should offer all the money I had on my person. But I didn't get any of that. He asked me for directions to KFC. I told him to get out because I was offended. If you're not going to rob me, then don't touch me while I'm getting cash out. It's rude. 

Happy Days, 

Afam