But What the What is Sanusi-gate

Hello famzers. Yes, I call those of you who read my blog my famzers, because you are for all intents and purposes mine, just as I am yours. It's a mutually beneficial relationship. I'm occasionally funny, and you're occasionally nice enough to let me know how funny I am.

By now you must all have heard about the distinct tragedy that has befallen the great Lamido Sanusi, who has managed the Nigerian Banking Sector so 'well' the past four years. If you haven't I'll give you the long and short of it. $20 billion dollars of oil revenue have gone on holiday from the Country's accounts. Upon noticing that over a billion dollars of oil money had been leaving the country every month between January 2012 and July 2013, Mr Sanusi became quite perplexed. He looked for the money everywhere, and by everywhere, I mean everywhere. Do you know what it feels like to lose $20 billion dollars? No? Well I don't either, but I know what it feels like to lose a car.

One day, my Uncle parked his Mitsubushi Lancer, on a quite well lit street in Yaba. I cannot remember what he was going to do there, for those memories have been stolen from me by the she-beast that is time. Anyway, after he went to do whatever it is he went to Yaba to do he returned to the spot where he parked his car to find only pavement. Would you believe that he looked for the car inside the gutters? I tell you most sincerely, human beings are truly incredible.

Let's get back to the matter shall we?

When Mr Sanusi, noticed that all those billions had slipped away from underneath his watch he cried out in a very loud voice, "WHERE THE HELL IS THA MONEY." The Nigerian National Petroleum Coroporation wasted no time in throwing the good chap under the proverbial mountain. They said, "Mr Sanusi is a crazy person. As he is mental, he is a flawed narrator." And then the president who is probably also a raging alcoholic (even if he isn't, he should seek medical attention because he displays all of the characteristics of one) suspended him. The end. Not…

But all of that isn't what this post is about. This post is about why some Nigerian people, have taken it upon themselves, to label the incident Sanusi-gate. Are you a little bit daft? The only thing that is gate about Sanusi is that his very big house somewhere in Nigeria has a gate. Please don't bring American terms and apply them to our politics. Watergate was watergate, and it is fine to affix the suffix gate, to any Scandal that happens in those lovely United, but un-united states, but please for the love of God and all things both Holy and Unholy do not bring that home. When you're talking to your market woman and you say, "Oh! did you hear about that chap Sanusi and his Sanusi-gate" do you feel clever or monumentally stupid? I know you'll be feeling clever with yourself, but evaluate the situation and check your damned self.

We out!

Happy Days,
Afam