Thisday style, the buoyant thug, and the drowning cat

You guys know how this goes don't you? I'm the little guy who occassionally takes on the big guy. I'm not taking them on really. This isn't a fight or anything like that. It's really just me saying what the flying fuck is that? I know. I know. I swore, but I'm having a little bit of a shitty day, and the f word's coming out to play. 

There's this incredibly popular magazine in Nigeria called Thisday Style. You've heard of it haven't you? What's this, you haven't? Where the where have you been hiding? Anyway it's perfectly understandable if you don't live here in Nigeria. After all you've got a thousand other sources for your mind numbingly fluffy bits of news. I'm not kidding, the magazine is the literary equivalent of marijuana. After flicking through, your mind will reach a state of inactivity second only to being in a coma. I don't mind it really, we all need a little novocaine every now and then. Anyway, they've got this tag line, if you're not in style, then you're not in style. It's a quite brilliant tag line really. It used to make me feel a little bad that upon all my event whoring, I hadn't once made it in to the magazine. Heck, I still get a little depressed about it every now and then. It's really pathetic of me, but I can't help it, these feelings I feel come to me unbidden. 

But don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I've been getting help you see. Yes, I've been getting help from the magazine itself. When they put up things like this... See below

... I wonder how it is that such a magazine could call itself stylish. Well, I suppose they could call themselves stylish, anyone who knows anything about style knows that there is such a thing as bloody terrible style.

I have a few questions about this...

Dilly, how did this photo shoot make you feel? I can't really say what you were thinking at the time because I'm not psychic and even if I were, I wasn't there, but you look like you were cursing the photographer, the magazine editor, and the magazine editor's assistant for making you do something so profoundly stupid. Dont worry. I would too. You look like you were about to have a little bit of a cry about it. Once again, don't worry, i would have bawled my eyes out too. I would have been suicidal if they made me look like I was rescuing a drowning cat instead of holding my dearly beloved.

Fifi, you are truly a strong woman. You maintained your smile in the most dire conditions. You even managed to look quite pretty, and that's a feat when you're swathed in more wet fabric than you'd find in a washine machines full cycle. I do feel that it'd be unchristianly of me if I didn't point out that your weave's due for a replacement. 

Lastly, good editor, ehat were you thinking? Here you're serving us drowning but happy cat, and buoyant but deeply unhappy thug. I'd say someone was in trouble, but nothing happened when you called Zoe Saldana, Zoe Sultana, so I guess not. I do feel that you need people to be honest with you about your work. Here's me, helping you help yourself.

Happy Days,

Afam