Hanging with Vimbai on the Midday Oasis with Dotun and Temmilistic Temi

I could start this one by telling you of all the things that I did that morning, but I won't. Virginia Woolf's teaching me that in writing exclusion's twice as important as inclusion. If I were to include every tiny detail, then a great deal of the magic would be lost. It's a two way street this. You read my words, and they're meant to inspire something. I can't lead you all the way. You're the horse and I'm your rider. I've ridden you to the lake, but I can't force you drink of my waters. I do remain consoled by the fact that I've got a fairly good crop of readers. You don't demand the rigours of my toilet. You don't require the number of strokes it took to brush my teeth, or the number of minutes I spent in the shower before I felt clean.

Vimbai and I tumbled into the Cool Fm studio at about 10:45 in the morning. I was struck dumb. It wasn't that anything there was that incredible. I've been around for long enough that a few microphones and wires no longer fill me with childish excitement. It was that for the better part of my childhood I listened to cool fm almost exclusively. Of course the people I listened to aren't there anymore but that changed nothing. I was walking in history. I was seeing my story from a different angle. I was star struck, first by the building, and then, by the company I was keeping.

This is the only time in this blog post that I shall say that she's Zoolander good-looking. The next time I see her, I shall ask her to show me her own version of the blue steel, so that I can share it on my instagram. I'm an instavillain! I'm an instaho! Yeah boi! I would go on and on about how gorgeous she is, but compliments lose quality with frequency and after spending quality time with her, her precious looks have ceased to be her most endearing quality. I could talk now about her easy laugh, her wit, her give it to me straight attitude and her professionalism.

Err Maa Gerrd! I need to stahp it! Why so serious Afam!! Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Now you're probably wondering why Vimbai was at the Cool Fm studio. She could have been doing an Ellen. You know? She could have been going around distributing pizza to the people that worked there. It's possible isn't it? I even have a picture that would imply it.

Hunny in black just had a foodgasm! Yes! This is food porn! Her head was telling her no, but her stomach, her tummy, was telling her yes. After she got a bite of that pizza, she collapsed. If you ever wondered what they do behind the scenes at Cool fm/ Wazobia fm, I get the distinct impression that it's things of this calibre. The lady in pink is Lo Lo! She is a hoot. There's no other word for it.

As fun as that would have been that's not why Vimbai was there. She was there for an interview with Dotun and Temilistic Temi on their midday Oasis show that runs between 10am and 3pm every weekday. A lot of it was about the AMVCA's because they're tomorrow, and a fair bit was about Vimbai's personal life. Somewhere in this blog post I, Afam, the first on the scene will reveal Vimbai's answer to the do I have a boyfriend question.

This is Temi. She's a laugh. I find it incredibly difficult to not call her Temmilistic Temi. I don't even know what Temmilistic means?! Nobody knows what it means! But it's not provocative. It's funny and weird and good, and it makes me feel good inside. Can I be Temmilistic Afam? Or would have to be Afammistic Afam. I quite like that one. I think I might keep it. #stylejocking
Temi runs a parenting blog

And this here is Dotun. The way Vimbai pronounces it is totes adorable. She pronounces it like it's Doe-tun, not Dot-un. So now I pronounce it the same way because her way is way cooler. Dotun has a new television show on Sound City.

This obviously them in the studio and these are the facial expressions they make. I kid you not. The guy at the back is the social media guy. If cool fm retweets a tweet that you tweeted, chances are it was him that did it. Is that sentence a tongue twister? Because it twisted my brain.

As you can see they're all cut from the same cloth, so they got on really well.

They asked her a bunch of questions like,

Enter Dotun, Temmilistic Temi and Vimbai

Dotun: So Vimbai, are you single? Are you with someone? What's the sitch? Break it down for us yo!

Temmilistic Temi: Yeah Vimbai! Our listeners are super keen on deets like this. I bet the bloggers are going mental!

Vimbai:

Dotun: Temi, I don't think she's gonna answer that one.

Temi: Well, you can't have everything but it's my turn. Vimbai, how excited are you about hosting the AMVCA's for the second time? Congratulations by the way!

Vimbai:

AHHHHHHH!!! So stoked! So stoked! So stoked! Err Maa Gerrd!!! Call the police! Asi Mwari Ka!! (That's Oh my God in Shona, one of Zimbabwe's official languages)

Vimbai's a Zimbabwean who lives in South Africa. Get with the program yo!

Doods! I cannot! I cannot! There's so much work to do. We're not going to sleep until we're ready to be epic!! And we're going to break Ellen's Oscar selfie retweet record. I SAY WE ARE GOING TO BREAK THAT RECORD.

Because Africa is great, and lovely, and amazing. And all of us are beautiful. And I just want to thank God and errbody.

Dotun: So what song are you into at the minute Vimbai?

Vimbai: Jaiye Jaiye, by Wizkid and Femi Kuti does things to me.

It does. It's her ring tone.

Temi: How about Rands and Nairas by Emmy Gee featuring AB Crazy and DJ Dimples

Vimbai: I love that song. It's literally my life, because I shuffle between South Africa and Nigeria so much.

Dotun: Well we're going to play it for you.

Vimbai:

Whooop! Whooop! Whooop!

And now you know what happens when you play Rands and Nairas and Vimbai's in the room.

The end.

Towards the end of the interview, they let me come on air for a bit. I very nearly died. So thanks Dotun, and Temilistic Temi, for attempted murder. I kid. I kid. It meant a lot, because they didn't have to.

I really like this one. She's got artificial wind in her hair. It looks like it's coming from my mouth. YOLO. And Dotun looks like a serial killer. #justsaying