Before the AMVCAs...

Oho! My afamzers! My body is tired, but I know that if I do not do this blog post now, then I shall never do it. And even when I eventually get round to it, it will be so far out of your minds that it wouldn't be worth my while. I love the blog and stuff, but I'm in it for the page views and the retweets. Well, that's not strictly true but, there are the posts I write for me, and then there are the posts that I write because the blog needs to grow. Anyway, that's enough of an introduction. If I write too many words, the strangers that will flock here because of the fact that it's the AMVCA's I'm writing about and not my relationship with the toilet will leave. Naughty Strangers. My bowel movements are even more interesting than the AMVCA's. For example, yesterday I had the most efficient blasting session ever! It only took 5 minutes, and when I wiped, I discovered that my bumbum was as clean as a whistle. This is good; clean bumbum, happy heart.

It turns out that I'll have to split this blog post into 2 parts, and this is fairly annoying because, that means I'll have to work twice as hard. Harrumph. No matter. My name is Afam. I am a trooper. When the work concerns the blog I work like a madman who doesn't need sleep. My mind is so blog oriented now, that I stay up late looking at the statistics, and crying and wailing.

"Why, Why, Why, did I only get 100 page views today. Oh help me somebody! Help me! Oh Help me I say. What can I do to make the blog more trendy? I shall tweet it. I shall tweet it like a crazy person."

And so that's the reason why I've been on twitter, tweeting links to the blog. With only 800 and so followers my reach is only so large. Sometimes I get a retweet, but it's been fairly dire. I'm not going to be coy about this. Go now and tweet the link. I'm incredibly grateful already. Yes! You are lovely, and kind and good. You will never do a fart that will embarrass you. Pimples will not grow on your forehead. You will never encounter an Indian Cockroach. Amen.

And so, and so, I'm going to talk about the things that I saw behind the scenes at the AMVCA's. It isn't going to be as rich as the version I did last year, but you'll make do. Last year, I didn't have much to do, but this year, I stole these pictures while doing my actual job. Clap for me! I am great!

I do this a lot. I know you give me compliments, but I always give myself compliments for insurance. Don't stop complimenting me. They give me life. When I feel shitty and completely out of my depth, I remember that

This right here is my mate Jason. He's a radio host on Cliff Central, which is a South African Radio Station. I've never been to South Africa you know? It's such a shame, but I have a feeling that I'll make it there some day. Maybe I'll even get a South African accent. The question is, should you work on the accent before you go or when you're there? I'll think I'll do the former, because Nigeria has taught me that accents are like pure water.

And this is Osas, with the lads. Before I took this picture we had a really long chat about journalistic integrity, but enough about that. When I'm with fleeker than the average women, I tend to act like I'm on drugs. My gaze lingers, my palms get sweaty, and time slows down. I'll say more about this later.

She did the opening spoken word dance hybrid of a thingy at the AMVCA's and during the performance I remember thinking that she had such flexible arms.

Can you see what I mean? I took three pictures of her! No, I can't explain why I did. She's engaged, and I haven't got room for anyone but me and the bitch, Sabrina. Sabrina is actually a bitch. She's an old bitch but I'd be lying if I didn't say that she's a good bitch.

And here we have the Mavin children. I was going to call the guy who's probably old enough to be their father randomer, but calling people random isn't very nice. Gentleman is better. The two Mavin children in the shot are Di'ja and Reekado Banks. Reekado's good, but Di'ja is probably better. I mean look at her looking like a soul sister! Afro on fleek. I really have to stop saying on fleek, the word gives me a headache.

Yass. Sometimes two is better.

Eheh! Now we've got my very good bantering companion Stephanie Coker. The day Stephanie refused to let me, Afam, hellur, get my picture of her, I was very miffed indeed but it looks like she's recovered from her camera shy Afam hiding ways. Stephanie, it was good to have you on the big daddy DSLR. For those who don't know who Big Daddy is, he's my camera. Now, let's talk about how she looks. Yes, she's pretty, and her hair's alright, but that t-shirt. Some of you are probably thinking that I'm about to say rather mean things about it, but I'm not. It's a great tee. I think I'd wear it. It says talk Disney to me, and this should serve as a manual. If you are a man, or a woman, or anything inbetween and you're confused that Stephanie is Bae, please go get some good pick up lines from the Disney Channel, and I predict that the both of you will have a happily ever after.

Here we've got Diamond, the Ugandan singer. He's really quite good. I haven't seen the AMVCAs yet, but from what I saw he's good. No, he's better than good, he's brilliant! And that his feature wth Waje, Coco baby, is actually kind of banging! When I first heard it, I didn't really feel it, but it's grown on me. Good music always grown on you. But you knw? I haven't met Waje yet. I need to rectify this.

That's him again. I'm not sure why I'm still commenting underneath every image you know? Ah! It's because of that guy in the jersey like t-shirt. Look at that smile. You can tell that he really enjoys what he's doing.

This shot is a bit over exposed but is that really so bad? I like over exposed things. Over exposure for the win.

Yaaaaaaasss. I need to duplicate that dance move. It's the original shake your tail feather.

I really can't find anything to say about this one. I was feeling myself that day. When I was still young in the business of collecting pishos for my personal use, I had to take loads of of shots before I got one barely usable one. I didn't even care that much then, all content was good content.

And here's Eddie Kadi. I expect that I'll get more pictures of him at the gidi culture festival. Eeesh, I've got to apply for my press pass. :(.

And here we've got P square. I'm still not sure who's who but take it like that. I haven't eaten today, and that's probably why I'm so glib. But I'll power through. I didn't get to speak to them because they're a weee bit diva-ish, but that's to be expected isn't it? They're like the Nigerian version of One Direction or something.

And here we have Ebuka Obi-Uchendu before he changed. I know quite a lot of you are looking at his face and his physique but I can't get over the size of his feet. They look like they're a size 13. Aren't large feet inconvenient?