There's a manic pixie dream girl I'm in love with. Her name is Kah-lo. She's the sort of person that makes you believe in magic and fairies and unicorns. Her hair is green, her skin is brown, and her eyes twinkle with mischief. She is one of the few people on this planet that drunk me and sober me...

There’s something about being in your twenties. It’s the only time in your life when you can be a young upwardly mobile professional and a smooth talking delinquent with little or no irony, perfectly preserved in some version of post adolescent beauty by the happy combination of fantasy, alcohol...

By August 2016, many Nigerians had learned a new word: recession. Two consecutive quarters of negative economic growth confirmed by the National Bureau of Statistics. It was a word that had not shown itself since 1994. Time had long eroded its meaning. For some, a recession means very little. It’s...

We may meet them at a house party, a gathering of mutual friends; sometimes in a bar where the music is too loud for speaking. Sometimes from twitter, occasionally at a funeral – where the grief is almost tangible – and every now and then at a wedding. If we look at the largest possible picture,...

The only thing certain about living is dying. As none of us know precisely when that will be we cannot really afford to waste a single breath. This is why we pursue personal happiness in so far as it hurts no one else with almost single minded selfishness. Being Nigerian is a strange affair. The successful...

A few months ago, I had a meeting with Tomiwa Aladekomo, the CEO of Big Cabal Media. During our conversation, he asked me what I thought of some existing media platforms. As I am known to do when I let my tongue run away from me, I launched into a monologue that was scathing at best and bitter at...

If you're in Lagos and in need of both a haircut and a drink then there's only one hot spot for you, Bar Bar. Yes, it's a bar that's also a barbershop. It sounds unsanitary but it isn't. The barbing salon and the bar are mutually exclusive. Located in what can only be called the Lagosian idea of...

The human imagination is a thing of wonder. I'm not sure that it would beat the speed of light, but it's definitely quicker than the speed of sound. You see, in all the time it takes to say hello, it is quite possible for a person to have gone from thinking, "Oh! This person seems alright." To, "We...

I was on summer holiday when I got a text on my phone. I'd won a million naira. Now, these were the days before the great devaluation. A million Naira was not chicken change. A million Naira was four thousand pounds. This was in 2006, 2 years before the great recession. I thought it might have been...

I have a contract with the universe. It's that my life will be many things but it will never be dull. And that I'll respond to the abundance of interesting events like a crazy person. People tell me I'm dramatic, but you'd be dramatic too if dramatic things kept happening to you. Like, that one...

There's nothing I like better than a man who presents himself as a bastion of morality and an arbiter of good taste, because men like that are very nearly always full of shit. In Nigeria, there's a man called Otunba Olusegun Runsewe... I have to change the line of attack here because I spoke to...

Polyamory is really much ado about absolutely nothing. Back in the day, my mum, Mama Afam would sit me down and say, "Afam! Let me tell you! There's absolutely nothing new under the sun! Human beings have been freaky since the time of Sodom and Gomorrah." She was right. Polyamory is old fashioned...