Y so Stinky? Smell Yourself before you Wreck Yourself!!!

I may not know very much about much at all but there is one topic about which I am well versed. I am so well versed that every time I consider how well versed and familiar with the subject I am, I cringe. I have suffered in my life. Don't burden me with your sympathy it only adds salt to the open wound.

For some time now I have been meaning to do a post about body odour because the situation is quite intolerable. Take yesterday for example. I stroll into my 9am lecture at 9:10am because the alarm clock on my London used Blackberry (This is a thing. In Lagos I know of many vendors that sell London used Blackberrys for £140. They are supposedly better than Nigerian used Blackberrys. On a side note is the blural of Blackberry Blackberrys or Blackberries?) is very temperamental. By temperamental I mean that it often "forgets" to wake me at 7am.

I stroll into my Chinese Economy lecture at 10 minutes past 9, with sleep heavy eyes and a cruel expression.

10 minutes past 9 is far too early to burden the world with smiles and laughter. You must be cranky. There is companionship to be found in collective grumpiness.

I take my seat at the front of the lecture because I find that my close proximity to the lecturer keeps me from sleeping. I have only been sitting for about 10 minutes when I am blessed by an odour most foul. It is only 9 in the morning, what reason have you to be so stinky? It wasn't the I haven't showered this morning sort of smell, it was the I stink of week old cigarettes and sweat kind. There is no smell worse than this. It is EVIL.

I was so moved by the subject that I decided to do something that I haven't done in a really long time, A SURVEY!!!

I secured a meeting with my American correspondent, J.P.

Afam: J.P what are your thoughts on body odour?

J.P: It should be eradicated at all costs. Though natural it is grotesque.

Afam: Interesting. Which would you say is the worst kind?

J.P: The top 3 are: The African, The Indian and The Chinese. No offense Fam, that's just the way it is.

Afam: None taken brovings.

After that I turned to my neighbour, (yes we both inhabit the wildly peculiar structure known as Student Castle. I was quite tempted to name him Rochelle but I decided against it) Roch

Afam: Hey Brosky! What are your thoughts on body odour?

Roch: Well, I think its unacceptable in 2012. There is no reason for one to smell in this day and age. Roll on is cheap and effective and a shower is even cheaper.

Afam: Very well said.

Roch: Is this for the blog?

Afam: Yes. I just handed some assessed coursework in and I thought I'd celebrate by discussing a very important issue.

I had heard from two guys, and while their opinions are extremely valid and important I sought for one with a more gentile touch. I sought out Asquith's able sister, Keji.

Afam: Keji!!!

Keji: Yes Afam?

I wasn't too pleased with that reply. It was a bit like a "what now?!"

Afam: What do you think about body odour? 

Keji: it's horrible.

Afam: Which kind would you say is the worst?

Keji: Are there different kinds?

Afam: Of Course!!

Keji: You've spent far too much time thinking about this...

Afam: I agree.

Keji: Of all the smells that I have encountered that of the Nigerian Lesson teacher /tutor is the worst. It's very bold. It attacks the nose with full bodied vigour. It is vaguely reminiscent of a slap. Nigerian car mechanic would be a close second.

Afam: Thanks.

Keji: Anytime babe.

I cocked an eyebrow at babe. Being called babe always makes me cock an eyebrow.


Because so many people agreed with me on the Subject I decided that it would be in the best interest of all if I crafted a Public Service Announcement.

Dear people of the world, I am well aware that during your daily activities most of you pick up some odour or the other. You cannot be blamed for this, after all you're only human. Most of you do all you can to rid yourself of this slight disadvantage but some of you are infinitely wicked and malicious. You revel in your smelliness and impose it on others. You ride in the London Underground during rush hour without showering for weeks. You breathe out through your mouth when you know that you smoke 50 a day. You fail to bless yourself with some deodorant or the other because you can't be bothered. For the love of God and all things good, be kind to your fellow man.

However if you use this perfume below...

Cease and Desist!! It makes one ill.

Happy Days,
Afam

Ps. Do you agree with J.P? Do Africans really smell the worst? Do they really have the worst body odour? Feel free to:
tweet your answers at me here: https://twitter.com/Afam20
Facebook your answers here: http://www.facebook.com/theramblingsofamadmanafam
or just leave a comment below.