Betty, the whole world and I just had a conversation on twitter. The conversation was of no great physical or metaphysical importance until Betty asked for my help. I shall relay the conversation with immediate alacrity.

Betty: Boys please help me understand something. Why do you say you like girls who have their own hair/little makeup. But then when you go to clubs you go for the girls with the longest weaves, loads of makeup on and fake eyelashes? Also why is it that you claim to love girls with curves yet you go for the skinniest girls? :s soo confusing, boys please help me understand.

And with that I was off. I jumped on my horse, galloped through the town and conducted a social inquiry.
The task proved daunting... I believe that it is because most boys are allergic to social surveys. In spite of this I managed to obtain commentary from Jimmy. He did not answer the entire question, but we make do.
Afam: (I asked the question)
Jimmy: Is this some sort of survey?
Afam: It's something like that, but don't let that put you off.
Jimmy: Well, I think it depends on the guy. I find it a little insulting that the question assumes that we all think exactly the same (I found no fault with that statement). I prefer girls with less make up. If a girl wears a lot of make up, then, be scared of how she looks without it.

My thanks to Jimmy for a well constructed response.

In my desperation for answers I even asked my friend Elliot.
Afam: (I asked the question)
Elliot: Erm Fam, you know I like big hairy men right?
Afam: You're such a drama king! put your straight hat on and answer the question.
Elliot: I like big hairy men, and I go for them in clubs. (He really does. It's quite bizarre) But sexy is sexy, so I go for whoever is sexy regardless.

However being a Knight errant in the fashion of the most romantic knight ever known, Don Quixote de la Mancha, I was unperturbed by the set back. I retired to my chambers to ruminate about the problem while watching Wimbledon. (Djokovic through to round 4; Watson is currently being schooled by Radwanska on centre court)

They  both touched on important ideas. But you're probably dying to hear what I think as I am the very definition of Man.

I am a man. I'm clever and fiercely intelligent in all regards but one, the female psyche. So please don't judge me too harshly. In light of this are you surprised that I'm fascinated by the extra long lashes, tonnes of make up and Brazilians all on display in a club? Have you considered that I may have been consuming buckets of alcohol, so my judgement is not at its' best?

 (International drinking rules dictate that when speaking about drinking alcohol one may not use the word drink to describe the action of drinking. In the event that one breaks this rule, one must consume!)

There's also the question of context. I may like to date girls who don't wear loads of make up but in a club I'm not exactly looking for girls of the dating kind. Furthermore it is necessary to note that we currently live in an age of political correctness and men have evolved to say whatever sounds politically correct even though what they claim may not be true.

I think Elliot has the right of it though. Sexy is sexy and guys go for whatever is sexy. So if you're feeling a little blue because you don't get a lot of attention in clubs; just because you choose not to wear tonnes of make up or install a weave, then find a way to be sexy. The same logic applies to curvy girls. If you do this the guys will come stampeding.

Happy Days,
Afam!

As some of you may know this weekend I stepped out to London town to attend Dabi's 21st. To those of you who know "Dabi" I apologise for my deconstruction of her name. Dabi's party was nteresting for several reasons. I will dissect the party into sagas and each saga shall contain a reason for it's specialness.

The Saga of Love
On twitter I'm married to Lia. Our marriage was spontaneous. On one day last year I was so overcome by her wit that I popped the question. To my surprise she accepted my proposal but I've come to understand that she was suffring from brain touch at the time. Lia and I had an epic marriage until I negelected her. When I returned to the marriage I found several strange bed fellows in it. There was a Mike, an Uncle Yori Yori and several others who I did not (do not) know about. We were divorced shortly after this. You shouldn't feel bad for me because being the legendary trooper that I am I rebounded instantly. I married my cousin on facebook to spite Lia, but it didn't have the desired effect. She was undisturbed. It wasn't until I posted a particularly good picture of myself that my situation improved. She was eager to be whole again, and I was delighted. I should have known better for all the bed fellows that I had left her with came back with her.

At Dabi's party I had the pleasure of meeting Mike. I was distinctly pleased that Mike had ignored the dress code and showed up in clothes that could not be referred to as black tie. Even if the observer had been blind the vulgar pink with which he dressed his breast would have managed to leave an impression. Mike had crashed the party. However I could not fault him for this as this was how I had met Dabi in the first place. Three years before I crashed her 18th party with Dej and I left drunker than any of the legitimate guests. I maintain that I had the most fun as well. Anyway I confronted Mike and I was not surprised to find that he was very unapologetic. I should have known then that he would leave his mark on my night (I blame him for the wine scarcity. His name should be replaced with fish).

My romantic problems did not end with Mike. It turned out that I was seated at the same table with Rabs and Betty. I was friend Zoned by Betty when we were 14 and I had the displeasure of being friend zoned by Rabs when I was 20 (Rabs did not do her friend zoning in a very gentle manner. I was violently imprisoned there without any concern for my well being.) As if this wasn't bad enough, in attendance was the sister of a lass that I pursued a year and a half ago. The courtship was ill fated. My confession of love was greeted with an "oh".

Also in attendance was my first school wife. I can't think of a pseudonym to give her. Our fake relationship ended very peacefully and there were no hard feelings but still I think that this is the danger of remaining within the same circle of friends. After a while it becomes impossible to start afresh as your past relationships will be dragged into your new ones. 

TBC
Happy Days,
Afam