Gaddemm: The Time Genevieve Magazine Didn't Try

It's 2:26 in the morning. Immediately after I write this I'll feed the dog. You've met my dog haven't you? His name is Captain Reginald, and he's amazing. He's taught me a lot about love and responsibility. Love is an unfortunate thing. Love is wiping the sleep from your dog's eyes. Love is picking up your dog's shit. Love is going to the kitchen of the restaurant you're eating at and asking what they do with their left overs. Love is begging the electrician and paying him off when your dog bites him.

So, I searched lagos fashion week on twitter to see who else was covering it half as well as I, so that I could defeat them with my tenacity and prolificness. I'm a prolific writer. Give me a topic and I'll drop it like it's hot. The top result in my search was an article by Genevieve. On twitter it said "see pictures of all the glitz and glam and your favourite celebs at Lagos Fashion week" and then they dropped the link: http://www.genevieveng.com/four-days-of-fabulous-in-the-moet-chandonbelvedere-vip-lounge-at-lfd/

I clicked on the link, and it wasn't great. It was really quite awful. It's the sort of thing that you can look at and cry. It didn't just miss the good mark, it missed the anything and everything mark. It was a who the hell edited this moment, or a who the hell put this up moment, or a why the hell is this still up moment. Someone, anyone should have taken it down.

I'm shuddering here.

I'll show you the offensive things, and I'll start with the worst of them.

I cannot believe that anyone with even a modicum of sense would put this picture up. I want to cry. If I saw a picture of Mama Afam up like this, I would shoot someone. This isn't a gag or a gimmick. That's someone that you have embarrassed, for no reason at all. I'm actually upset. Genevieve why? Surely the quest for traffic can't be going that poorly? Is this some sort of gossip girl take down? And as if that wasn't bad enough, the picture was labelled as "Bola-BalogunBridget Awosika and Frien';l" I copied and pasted that on here. Unless the waiter is her friend and the bag is a Bridget Awosika one, you've fucked up big time. 

"Kelechi-Amadi-ObiNkiru Anumudu and Zara Okpara" That's how Genevieve labelled the picture, but those people are no where in sight. The only one in the picture's Kelechi. The girl behind him is Ify. She worked at fashion week.

"Omoyemi Akerele, Zara Okpara and a Friend" This one's a missed opportunity. Omoyemi Okerele is on the far left, then there's Joan Burnstein, Zara Okpara and Nkiru Anumudu. I'll start with Nkiru Anumudu. How on Earth could you fail to mention her? She's a massive deal. Everyone knows who she is. I'm clutching my head at intervals because the work's so shoddy that I cannot handle it. I should dance around the pyre that you've built for yourselves but I can't. And Joan Burnstein is one of the founders of Browns. She was quite literally the most important person at Fashion Week and she didn't get a mention.  

Guys, I hate to be the one to say this but, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THIS. Well, I've got time for it because I'm crazy and stuff. But you made this madman cry. Imagine what it'll do to a sane one. For your sake, and mine, take it down or make it better. Don't spoil such good photographs with shitty content.

Happy Days,
Afam